9 yr old DS, outbursts

[youvegottobekidding]

Ds, 9, for the last few weeks has been having these 'outbursts' of aggression & basically just being aggressive and agurmentative.

In short, we have a very strong bond, always kisses & hugs, says I love you, he's my best friend. But these last few weeks, mainly at bedtime & just before school, he becomes someone else. He protests, shouts, kicks out, pushes, tells me to shut up, he does this with his dad too (we're still together so all in the same house). We've disciplined him by taking his favourite things away & talked it over with him several times, but he continues to behave this way.

Last night he really lashed out at me, pushing, shoving, kicking. This morning me & his dad had very stern words with him. Ds was very apologetic. He couldn't be nicer if he tried, was asking if there was any jobs to do before school etc. Then 5 mins before we were leaving for school, he became that thing again, the sacasam, the not listening, the insults.

I've sat him down before, and asked him if there was anything bothering him. I asked if there was anything at school bothering him, he said no. I asked if he had seen anything online that had bothered him, he said no. I told him because if there is,m and he doesn't tell me I can't help him. I know he's struggling with his current teacher, she's not very nice to be honest & several other parents aren't happy with her. Since starting this term, he's not enjoying school, there's a huge contrast between this year & last year, the teacher he had last year was just lovely and amazing, ds was happy to go to school everyday, but this year he dreads it. Every time I've spoken to this teacher (not about this subject, just in general) she's been stern & very blunt. perhaps Ds is having nightmares about her!

Ds does belong to a local sports team so he's training and playing throughout the week so he does have things to focus on. It's just these outbursts & the general chatting back, where's it coming from? It's definitely got worse over these last few weeks.

Is he on any medication? Just something to rule out first.

No, not on any meds. If I was to guess, it could only be something to do with school, whether it be his teacher or other kids (he's had a bit of a do with other kids 'picking on him in the past but it's all he dealt with) he had a couple of days off recently saying he felt poorly, although I don't think he was 100% ill. But then again why the kick offs at bedtimes if it's school related? I get bedtimes don't go smoothly, most kids protest, but this is on a different level. He's adamant there's nothing bothering him. I did question him if he'd seen anything online that maybe upset him (you know that momo thing) but he said no, he only goes on free games (like driving ones, football ones) on an old mobile anyway & more often than not its downstairs while I'm with him.

Will have another chat with him tonight. Tend to keep it casual, not firing questions at him, hopefully I'll get him to open up to me soon. He can be argumentative, but not on this scale, he's not usually like this.

Sounds like he's stressed about school. Trust your instincts.

We are, now 100% certain, this behaviour is down to his teacher. In brief I had a phone call from her last night. Apparently ds & another lad were playing tig or something & it got out of hand. Teacher was ringing me saying ds had pushed the other lad, I asked what the other lad had done, she said 'well your son said he had punched/pushed your ds, but obviously not because he said he didnt'. So after the phone call I asked my ds what happened he said the other lad hit him hard in the chest so he hit him back 'with the same strength' I asked him did you tell the teacher this, he said yes but she said well the other lad mustn't of done that. She sent the other lad inside (it happened just before the bell at lunchtime). Then, just the teacher & my son still outside, she said to him 'I don't care about you, I don't care if you get hurt'.

I am fuming beyond belief. How dare she say this to my son. It makes sense now, anytime I've asked him if anything was bothering him at school, his whole demeanour changed, he looked as if he wanted to tell me but darent. He looked frightened, like he wanted to cry, he looked like he wanted to break down. I thought was I know now it's that teacher, she's put the wind up him.

Ds is honest as the day is long. Any mistake he'll put his hand up & admit fault. He doesn't lie, so when he sees other lads lying & them not being blamed for anything, he's frustrated, he's always been told to tell the truth.

Going to speak to the headteacher or deputy head what she said isn't right. She's a bully & has made a beeline for my son. I believe she's had form for this in the past. In all these years my son has been at this school & all the years his sister went there, not once have I had any issues whatsoever until now.

Talk to the head teacher and keep calm as you can when doing so. S/he will have to investigate and talk to the teacher and then your son. If the teacher said what your son stated, that's awful. And it probably would be the first time. Raise your concerns but come across as reasonable as possible. But be firm.

Sorry, meant wouldn't be the first time.

Is it possible at all OP, that he's stressed in school and then lashing out at his peers? You did mention kids picking on him in the past in an earlier post. Perhaps it's a bit of a vicious circle for him: not supportive teacher, feeling stressed due to this, acting out a bit and then the teacher reacting?

I've spoken to the deputy head quickly, she didn't have much time, just to briefly say what my son had said & basically she said she can't imagine any teacher saying that. But I stood my ground & told her firmly that, yes my son may not have a halo above his head but he is honest & I believe what he says, I trust what he said to me. She said she was bothered by it but would need to speak to people & we would need to sit down with the teacher in question & my son & find out what's happening. I said my husband & I would be more than happy for any meeting to take place as we feel she is causing him some considerable upset and what she said was bang out of order.

I ask myself what outcome do I want from this? I want my boy back, I want the boy I had in the previous year, the one that was happy, that didn't mind (I don't think any kid actually enjoys) school, actually liked his teacher, I know they can't like all their teachers throughout school, but this one is just a nightmare for my son. I know she's not very much like by the other boys in my son's class either, I've been told they all pretty much 'hate' her.

Sounds like you did fine. Well done. Hopefully something constructive will happen. X

Thank you.