arandom11yearold · 12/03/2019 16:41
heyyy I'm not a parent if you read my username but like I wanna see what other parents would say about this I hope that other parents reactions help my mum to see what she's doing wrong
soo I have my best friend and I wanna go shopping and go to her house but my stupid mum won't let me the places i wanna go are not that far and i'm completely aware of the dangers of certain things. eventually i started lying to go with my friend but i eventually got caught cos she saw stuff i've never owned.
I find this really unfair because my friend who is pretty much the same age as me (im 11.5 she's 12) gets to go places with friends whenever she wants. very recently i've been wanting to go to her house but you know the drill, my mum goes into overprotective mode and says no angry she always thinks i'm following friends which is not true and i'm starting to purposely hang up and not answer mums calls i hate her. Alot of her excuses show how paranoid she is, shes gonna talk to me about going to my friends house tonight so im going to go to bed early.
im really stressed and i might start letting my friend into the house when i'm home alone and delete camera footage so mum doesn't see
she cant accept about the fact that i'm not a baby anymore and i have my own life, i bet shes just jealous that i have friends unlike her when she was my age
if you've read this far then thanks a ton. what should I say to her and how should I deal with it so I can get more freedom, i feel like getting advice from other mums might increase my chance of my mum listening
TigerQuoll · 13/03/2019 09:17
If you want more freedom you have to show you're mature. If you act like you can't be trusted then why should she trust you? Deleting camera footage, lying, not answering calls and sneaking out shows you're immature and completely untrustworthy and it would be justified to give you LESS freedom not more.
So what to do? Follow your mum's rules, answer her calls, do what you know you should. Try to behave like an adult, then you'll get treated like one. If you act like a sulky little kid that is what you'll be treated as.
JoinTheDots · 13/03/2019 09:48
Assuming you are an 11 year old, who is struggling with an over protective mum, my advice would be to talk to her about exactly what she is concerned about, and make plans to help her worry less.
For example, if she thinks your friend is not a good influence on you, you need to promise that whenever you are with this friend, you will come home at the time she states, always answer your phone, not go to the places she worries about you going etc. If she can trust you to do these things, she is likely to increase what she lets you do, because she knows she can trust you.
If it is the places you want to go with your friend she is not keen on (too far away, a bit rough or known for being unsafe) then you need to compromise, is there somewhere else you can go shopping that she would approve of? Can you go with her (just the travel bit) and then agree to meet after a while so she can feel less anxious about you while you are out?
If she feels you are too young to be doing the things you want to, there will be a good reason, talk to her about those reasons and see if you can help her not worry by showing how mature and sensible you are and can be. Sneaking off and lying, are not going to help in the long run.
Of course if this is a reverse, and you are the mum of an 11 year old trying to get advice from another perspective, then I would advise you to talk to your 11 year old more about your concerns for her and come to a compromise allowing her some freedom without putting herself in situations you think could be unsafe.
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