Disciplining siblings

[Crockof]

Hi

Please help. How do you discipline siblings when you know one has started it but the other always takes it to the next level. Ie one says 'you are ugly' so the other swears at him. One pokes his sibling so the other kicks him hard. I end up disciplining the child that disproportionately reacts more that the one that started it. What have you done???

[Tiredmum73]

I am dealing with the same thing. My ds12 is an expert at winding up ds9 and watching him explode. Ds9 does lose his rag, but I can see why. Then he takes it nuclear and has a 2yr old tantrum. Throws things, calls names, says mean things. I have spoken to ds12 but he seems to think that ds9 starts it. Some days I feel like telling them both to sod off until they grown out of it. Sorry not a solution but you are definitely not alone!!

[Storminateacup74]

Absolutely the same here. Both as bad as each other. I find that they do it more when my husband is home because they love the reaction when he gets cross with them. I try to ignore us much as possible. Isn't always easy though.

[Crockof]

Thanks @tiredmum73 and @storminateacup74 so often it feels like it's just me. I can't even find any books that cover this.

[Iggly]

Try the book siblings without rivalry. The key is to not be seen to side with one over the other, even if you think one is more culpable.

One sibling should absolutely not be winding up the other and the other should not over react. Both actions need tackling.

I usually (when I am calm enough) try and listen to both sides of the story, and I’ll remind them how to behave. Anything physical or name calling gets a removal of a privilege (usually screen time), but actually I find that talking and listening to them each in turn calms things down. And they do try and act better next time. But mine are younger (9&7) so god knows what they’ll be like as teens.