My feed

to access all these features

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.


10yo Daughter making bad friendship choices

3 replies

Afterimage · 05/02/2019 12:53


My daughter is unhappy at school as she has been ostracised by two girls in her class. She is very much a one to one personality (as is her Mum) and I feel this has caused potential friends to keep their distance. Coupled with this she seems to gravitate towards the 'meaner' cool girls. I'm not deluded in thinking she doesn't display unpleasant behaviour herself, but intrinsically she is a shy, kind girl. I understand as a parent I can't do much to help her, as she has to find her own way in the world, but would love receive any advice about the best way for a Dad to support his child in this respect. Many Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
lovely36 · 06/02/2019 12:28

Well I think as a mum, the best thing to do is talk to her a lot. Model what type of behaviour you want her to have. Be very cautious about how you speak about other people around her, as she will copy you. Bee kind, be patient, be loving. That's all you can really do. She is going to make good and bad choices through her life but if she has a loving/ kind mom then she will always be okay. I was very shy growing up and around 11 years old my best friend moved cities. So to avoid being alone, I began following a really horrible girl. She wasn't kind to me, in fact she was really mean to me. One time she said "ugh stop following me!" I was shocked as she also chose to be with me so I left her alone. She was manipulative. She began telling everyone I was mean to her. No one believed her as I was very shy and kind. I went home crying and told my mom what was happening. My mom always gave me very wise words and said "kids who aren't kind, don't have kind parents a lot of times. She might not have a supportive foundation at home. Keep your distance, but always stay kind. Don't stoop down to her level and begin being mean or speaking bad about her because she's done it." So I did just that.. I avoided her, was cautious but my mom was right as later she was taken into foster care. Years later she found me on Instagram and wrote me a message asking how I was and she always remembered me because she was the only friend she had when she was going through a hard time and always stayed fond of me. Weird. Anyway it always stuck with me but I'm glad I never changed.

Afterimage · 06/02/2019 18:53

Thank you lovely36, Interesting story. I will keep talking to my daughter in the hope she opens up. Thank you for sharing (p.s. I'm her dad)

OP posts:
JiltedJohnsJulie · 07/02/2019 21:02

Have a read of Untangled too OP. I'm reading it at the moment and it's very enlightening Smile

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.