Early puberty = mental healh issues?

[stickygotstuck]

Sorry this is long, but I am very worried about DD.

There seems to be a link between the early onset of puberty and long-term depression and anxiety, according to various phychology journal articles, etc. What's worse, my own experience tells me there is defnitely something in it, so I am very worried about DD and would welcome any comments from parents with similar experiences.

She is 10. Started her periods last week, although the signs of puberty were there from very early on, including mood swings, unexplained tears and periods of sadness, and fits of 'I wish I had never been born' from before age 7 .

Although very kind and reasonably popular at school until now, she has always seemed a bit 'different' in her interests and can be very independent. She is quite mature for her age but at the same time, she lacks the social skills that other children her age take for granted. She doesn't quite fit in.

Lately she has been experiencing a few friendship issues. Back in the summer term she started being excluded from games. She goes to a small school and all girls in her year used to play together. She has suddenly been 'dropped' by her best friend. She feels left out and feels sad all too often. She does get on with all the other children and has another good friend, but she occasionally avoids going out at playtimes and sometimes wanders around the playground by herself.

Not sure to what an extent her not fitting in has to do with her hormones racing ahead of those of most of her classmates, or with her own slightly quirky personality, but I'd be grateful for any insights from those of you with children in a similar situation. Especially if you were a bit like that yourself.

I feel like I am watching a car crash in slow motion, one I have seen before too, and cannot do anything to stop it.

Well I started my periods at 15 and have suffered with mental health all my life so I don't think it's a given even if there is a slight link statistically.

I was early and have had the odd bout of anxiety ext but don't feel like my mental health has suffered at all.

I am on the other hand quite quirky and don't always gel socially, but it has never bothered me.

No asd suspicions for her? Just with the quirkiness and social issues.

Also for her and feeling sad. And you, that must be very hard. My mum said she worried about me but she will find her people especially at high school where she has more choice. If she has a hobby she loves try to encourage her to keep that up.

Well I started my periods at 15 and have suffered with mental health all my life so I don't think it's a given even if there is a slight link statistically

These threads always go this way “well my experience was x which proves/disproves the theory”

We aren’t talking about individuals. We are talking about statistics on a population level.

If you started puberty early you may be more likely to suffer with mhi. Not you will or you won’t, but there is a greater chance.

Not unreasonable, if there is a link, for the o/p to be aware and seek help for her dd at an earlier stage.

Might be worth a GP visit to discuss o/p? Or talk to schools SN provision, get them to keep an eye out too?

It makes sense to me, although i haven’t read the research. Having an adult body and a child’s mind must set up considerable internal conflict.

Thanks Mario, sorry to hear you struggle too.

Thanks Joy, and for the flowers too. ASD has crossed my mind on and off from the beginning, but I just put it down to being very sensitive. If there is any ADS, she is certainly vey high functioning, so not sure how helpful a label would be to her personally. Having said that, it may help me understand why, I can be anally retentive about the 'whys'! . I have always struggled with the invisible glass wall too.

I am all for her quirkyness, and she has always been aware of it too and didn't bother her, until now.

She does have outside hobbies. We always encourage her to try out stuff. She is also on the sidelines of any groups in those activities, but she goes to them happily most of the time. She needs pushing a bit to try, but we felt it was important that she did things outside school, with children from other schools.

Practically, I do all I can but I just don't know if it's enough.

Thank you really.

I have a telephone appointment with her GP next week. I did speak to her a couple of years ago about possible early-onset puberty.

That's why I ask, not sure what angle to approach it from with GP. Puberty only (need to discuss a few physical symptoms too), mental health only, both? I need to come from the angle that's less likely to be dismissed as 'oh, but it's normal', IFSWIM.

Frankly, I don't care which, I just want DD to have a reasonably happy life.

Well starting periods at 10 is normal, not early. But social issues and quirkiness could be asd. But equally it could be just being in a small class. Secondary shuld provide far more opportunities to meet like minds.

Thanks titchy.

Yes, I think secondary school will be great for DD, I can't wait. Shame that she's only in year 5.

But I disagree with you on what is 'early'. That 10 has become more common does not mean it is not early. A 10 year old does not have the emotional ammunition to deal with sudden hormonal changes, or with the fact that she can't just go swimming with the rest of her class at a moment's notice anymore so easily, or that she'll stop being active out of misplaced embarrassment, or that she feels so self-conscious she wants the earth to swallow her up, or that she has bloody **ing idiots catcalling from their cars. A 10 year old does not need to deal with any of that shit. And all that while you see the rest of your peers can just get on with things.

10 is early, and way too early, if you ask me. DD has only just turned 10 and I did a little victory dance in my head on her birthday because at least she broke the 10 barrier, much better than the 8.5 predicted initially by doctors. Which is still within what is currently considered the 'normal' range apparently, but it is not 'normal' as in 'healthy', as in not affecting you negatively.

Sorry for the rant, it just feels unfair.

As for the ASD, I just can't help thinking that there may be something in it, but not sure if we should do something about it, or what. Like I said, she is high functioning and I doubt anybody would even take it seriously...

Early is a medical definition not a social one. Periods before 8 is early medically. 8 onwards normal. My dd was 10 too. In a larger class she wouldn't be the only one you know.

Worth looking into asd. The gap between girls with asd and their peers gets wider during the teenage years - recognition of the issue, if that's what it is, could help in terms of accessing support and interventions that help her.

Thanks again, Titchy

I know what you are saying, but unfortunately it is not the medical definition that matters for a child's daily life.

As for the ASD, do you think it would be worth going through the school, or straight to the GP? The size of the school makes me sceptical about how much they are prepared to do. The funding issues of the NHS makes me sceptial about how much the GP can/will do .

As an aside, we are now looking for the largest secondary in the area, regardless of their Ofsted! Well, almost!

Having a ‘label’ of ASD (or not as the case may be) can be useful to help girls especially understand why they find social situations, friendships, playground hard to navigate. Social stories are a great resource to practise different situations, eg asking to join in a game, practising conversation skills etc

Thanks Lara. You may be right, I know I'd like an 'official' explanation of why DD struggles.

I'll have a think about what to tell the GP exactly.

Social stories are fantastic.

I am more than certainly on the spectrum (confirmed by very qualified friend!). Never diagnosed as a child though, still not officially. Your daughter sounds like me. I would encourage her to carry on being herself and really stress that she doesn't need that validation from others and that she is wonderful being her quirky self. I sort of felt I had to confirm and I think it dulled me. It is hard though as teenagers want to conform I'm sure. You sound like you're doing a great job with her.

Try not to worry too much about the whys though, they whys are that she is her unique self :)

My daughter is 12 and I've just posted similar. I'm at a loss.

Hello stickygotstuck,

I was an early bloomer like your daughter and I actually joined mumsnet to work out a way to help other girls going through the same thing. 10 is a reasonably 'normal' age for a girl to start her period and it is not an indication that there is necessarily anything medically wrong with her.

The research on early puberty is very limited although from what I've read the link to mental health issues is likely to do with outside pressures that the child has to deal with from an earlier age than their peers. Looking more grown up than her school friends may change the way people talk to your daughter, which can be upsetting or confusing for a child. This might have something to do with your daughter's sadness and possible social isolation.

What is considered an acceptable way to talk to girls and women has changed enourmously even in the last decade, however there can still be a certain amount of shame associated with girls' puberty and sexuality.

I'd really like to know where parents turn when they know their daughters are experiencing early puberty because I'd like to help and from what I can see online there's not a great deal of support for quite a common and 'normal' part of growing up!

I hope your daughter is feeling better soon