Bedroom/bedtimes

[Ella1980]

I have an 11 year-old who is whinging big time! I ask him to be in his bedroom for 9pm where we are happy for him to read. He has loads to read and enjoys it. Lights out at 10pm. He says this is waaaaaaay too early and that he goes to bed much later as his dad's/all of his friends are still on the XBox until late etc. Advice most welcome!

Ella

What time does he have to get up and does he wake up naturally or do you have to wake him?

7 am and we have to wake him 😊

If you have to wake him, he's not getting enough sleep in my opinion anyway.

It doesn't really matter what time his friends are on the Xbox till or what happens at his DF's, you want to do the best for him and that's just what you do.

I agree, thanks. I think he's just trying his luck and every time we put our foot down (me and fiance) he says "Well I'll just live with Dad more". And his dad does let him do pretty much anything he likes as he's too busy working. Them he'll tell my son I "treat him like a baby" etc.

Ds 10 at 830.
Dd 12 at 9.
Dd 13 at 930.

I think their body clock shifts as they get towards teenager age, so they may need waking even if they get enough sleep.
However, my DD goes to bed at 8, for lights out 8.30pm. Most of her friend are more like nine.
I guess the thing is to try and work out how much sleep they really need though. DH and I need quite a lot, so it’s not surprising that she does too.

Every evening battle with 11yr old here and then 20 plus minutes to wake up in the morning.

I’ve given her an alarm clock I the hope that it helps get her up in the morning although she is still every excuse under the sun for not going to sleep now... bloody draining!

My dd is 11 and is in bed, lights out with an audio book on (30/45minutes) by 8 at the latest on a school night. Usually there is one night a week where it's more like 7. My mum never cared what our friends where doing we had to do as she said regardless. And I'm the same with my dd.

Thanks all. I really don't think I'm being unreasonable, he just tries it on. He does understand that me and his dad run hugely differing households with different family dynamics and rules. It just gets me when he challenges me on things and then says "Well at dad's..."

Our 11 yo goes upstairs at 8.30 on a school night so is usually asleep by 9. She has Guides one night which makes bedtime later.

She has to be up by 7 and if she goes to bed any later she's really miserable and doesn't want to get up in the morning.

You're on to him: he's just trying it on. It's a pain but be firm; stick to your guns and this will pass. If he starts with 'But at Dad's .. ' just remind him that's at Dad's : Your house, your rules. It is a pain to have to keep fighting these same battles though.

DD11 goes to bed around 8pm and reads for a bit before lights out at 9pm at the latest. She often falls asleep whilst reading. School days are an early start for us since she goes to the bus stop at 7:30am. So I make sure she's up by 6:30. Some mornings she's up of her own accord but others I need to wake her.

My dd, almost 12, goes up at 7, shower and pootles around/reads, then bed at 8 with lights off at 815/830.

I would stick to your guns. That sounds too late to me....but I suppose all children are different, and my daughter is the eldest- could be different when it comes to her younger sibling!

@gerbo Mine sounds too late to you and yours sounds too early to me! I guess we are all different and what works for one household is not the same as what works for another.
From these posts though it is good to know I am not being unreasonable asking him to be in his room by 9pm 😊
My son is also the eldest and has to share a room with his nearly 9 y/o brother but younger son is usually fast asleep by 8.30pm at the very latest with no fuss whatsoever!
I think he's just playing us off against his dad. For example, he asked for a drink last week simply because he couldn't be bothered to get up and get one himself. Fiance nicely told him to get off his bum and he didn't take too kindly to it, stropping off into the kitchen in a huff whilst saying "Huh! It's soooooo much better at dad's!" I'm learning a bit more to take it with a pinch of salt now.

lights out at 9 here, but looking at his phone sat on the side each night a lot of his friends are up much later.

@grasspigeons That's another thing my son said...that literally ALL of his friends were in bed later than him! 😯

They ALL go to bed later, they ALL have their phones in their rooms - sure they are, don't rise to it, just stick to your house, your rules

I’ve told my dd to lie about her bedtime to her friends if she is bothered about what they think. She goes up,the stairs at 7:30. She spends time with dh reading and then reads on her own for a while.

My 15 year old goes at 9:30 but she’d like to go earlier but she’s got too much homework so she can’t.

Ds (12) has screens off at 9. Read until 10. His friends are all genuinely allowed on their phones and playstations until much later. I know because he has to bring his phone downstairs overnight and I see the messages pinging through.