Aggression in 10 year old

[DumbleDork]

Hi.
I’m posting here really as a last resort in the hope that someone can offer some advice as I’m at my wits end.

My son is 10. The last few months he’s become more aggressive towards me. All it takes is a simple request from me such as “please clean your room” or “time for bed” or even “please turn off the Xbox” and he hits, kicks, pulls hair, tells me to piss off, calls me names such as twat. Tells me I’m a shit mum, it’s my fault he behaves this way etc etc. Last night he shoved me so hard I hit my head on the door frame. I’ve been bruised by him before from hitting and pinching.

He doesn’t act this way to towards his Dad or little sister. Just me. And if my husband doesn’t witness what’s happened he then turns it on to me and has crocodile tears so then it seems like I’ve been in the wrong.

He’s good as gold at school which
makes this even more a challenge.

I’ve no idea where to go from now but honestly feel I’m failing him as a parent

That sounds incredibly hard and is not typical at all. By 10 most NT children will be able to control their temper.
It sounds as though he has no respect for you at all so that's what needs to change.
Could you say more about your DH, it doesn't sound as though he's supportive and that may be where your problem lies. You need to present a united front that this behaviour is totally unacceptable and will result in unpleasant consequences regardless of whether your DH was there to see it or not.
You then need to ensure that whatever consequences are agreed (I'd start with removal of Xbox) are rigidly stuck to for every transgression and that they can be escalated if he gets worse rather than better.

What do you do now when he does those things to you? How’s your relationship with your DH?

I take away his stuff, such as the iPad or the WiFi access. I’ve even gone to the extreme of taking the lightbulbs out of the upstairs so he can’t read past bedtime.

In terms of my relationship with DH, it’s fine. All the usual ups and downs but generally pretty good. We just disagree on parenting which doesn’t help as he thinks I’m too strict whereas I think he’s too lenient x

I agree that in not children this level of violence is unusual. Last night when he shoved you and you hit your head was your DH home? What’s he said about the incident? What punishment has your son received?

Does he have any other behaviours which worry you?

How long is he spending on screens before you ask him to come off?

he’s short tempered in that he snaps and shouts a bit.

And we limit the children to an hour a day on screens as they get grumpy with more x

Is it like this all the time ? What is dh doing ?

Are you the one that does the discipline and how is it generally.

It sounds like a battle of wills if you are removing light bulbs . It never works ime .

Do you and your Ds do anything nice together ?