Preteens
PDA child and making it fair for the other children
lampshadelife · 15/12/2018 16:45
I need help from anyone who has a child with PDA as well as another child/ren.
My daughter (11) is in the process of being assessed for PDA and high anxiety. I'm 99.9 % certain she has it and have been reading up a lot about how to manage children with PDA.
The issue I'm concerned about, is that the way I'd have to manage her behaviour requires a much more passive role from me as a parent.
If I was to describe my parenting, I'd say I'm firm but fair. I'm all about involving children and Positive praise etc. But, ultimately, when I've asked for something to be done or pulled the children up on bad behaviour more than once- I will tell them off. I don't feel young children should be negotiating rules or manipulating parents to get their own way.
I have two other children and a step son (all boys). I've never had to so much as raise my voice to them. A warning or even 'the look' was enough for them to behave.
Realising that my daughter was definitely more challenging lead me to the realisation that she has additional needs. But I'm a bit apprehensive after reading the guide on managing behaviour.
If it was just her I'd have no issues with it. But I feel that the boys will wonder why I'm so lenient with her but not them? Will it cause resentment between siblings or myself and the boys?
Also- how does this really prepare my daughter for the real world? In the real world, people won't find role play techniques to ask her to do something.
Anyone else encountered this before and what was the outcome.
Thanks in advance
JiltedJohnsJulie · 18/12/2018 18:52
Have lamp I’d ask MNHQ to get this thread moved to the SN Chat Section. You may get a few more replies 
MumUnderTheMoon · 19/12/2018 00:15
My dd has some pda traits but here in NI children aren't diagnosed with it. I am also a very firm parent and I find with my dd it is best to not make demands of her as she gets really anxious. It's mainly in how you word things. I never frame requests as a question eg "can you get dressed for school?" I also don't make it about something I want her to do eg "I want you to get dressed for school" I pass the blame either saying "it's time to get dressed for school" (this is a simple statement of fact, she can't argue with time) or, more recently, I have a lightbulb in her room which changes colour when it's time to get dressed and she can't argue with a lightbulb. You just have to find away to make sure that your other kids don't view it as "she's getting away with things we don't". You don't have to be more lenient with her you just have to manage her in a different way but your standards for your child can remain the same.
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