Emotional 11yo Boy who constantly lies!

[LauraJames1]

My 11yr old son is my absolute world (aswell as his 7yr old sister) and he's the most caring and soft natured boy I've ever come across. He absolutely adores me and isn't shy about showing his feelings towards me in front of his friends.
Recently he's moved school and has made new friends but insists on having a girlfriend which he changes weekly 😩 he's so emotional and eager to please everyone he's making problems for himself.
He has got a phone (which I hate) but feel forced into letting him have social media as all of his friends do. I check his phone regularly and he just tells stupid lies that are really unnecessary and I don't know how to make it stop.
I'm seeing the school today to try and figure out what's going on cause my gorgeous, loving son is constantly crying and begging me not to send him to school and I feel like a complete failure.
I split with the kids dad when he was 7 and he's lived with me and his stepdad since (who he considers as is dad) and he has a happy home, me and my husband own 2 successful businesses but we make it our priority to put the kids first and I always take them to school and pick them up.
Oh I don't know, am I looking Into things too much or could the changes be effecting him now? Am I failing as a mum? 😭
Any help or advice would be much appreciated

I’d get him off of all SM.

Hopefully the chat with school will go well and they can offer some suggestions as they’ll know his personality and the dynamics of the class.

Does he do activities outside of school?

I've banned all SM.
I hope so too.
He used to love going to singing lessons and he loves musical theatre but now he's 11 and people have started calling him "Gay Boy" he won't go anymore. He's not interested in sports AT ALL.
I'm not sure what to do?

DSS12 has hit a similar stage of behaviour - although he's not upset about going to school.

Social media has lower age limits for a reason – I feel quite strongly that children don't have the boundaries and critical faculties to navigate social media and it has a huge effect on self esteem.

A school move in and of itself is stressful and he'll be trying to fit in and find his friends, as you've said. Give him some time and work on building up his self-esteem in ways that don't rely on external factors like looks and trappings.

We're in the midst of this right now with DSS and so we're reducing social media and we've started volunteering and taking part in activities that he can take real pride in.

We've also been practicing and role playing different social situations in the car and when we see interesting dynamics on TV: "what could X have said to that?" "Do you think that was a smart way to get out of that argument?"

I'm also making a point of saying I absolutely believe everything DSS says, to the point where he 'gets' the consequences of lies – he told me something about one of his teachers that he thought would make me laugh yesterday, was clearly a lie, but would have lost the teacher their job if it was true. I could see he was lying, but I told him I was taking it very seriously and would be setting up an appointment to speak to the school and possibly the police, and when we got home I'd need him to sit down with me and write down exactly what he saw... didn't take long to backpedal from there.

We'll see how it goes, but fingers crossed for you and him – I think part of this really is just an age thing, and this particular age in this particular generation, with social media etc., has a real emotional onslaught.

Hope things go well at school today - will be thinking of you all!

Can you encourage him to get back into the things he enjoys? Singing and musical theatre are great for confidence building.
He doesn’t have to tell anyone at school anything about the activities he does out of school.

How well do you know his friends? Are they genuine/nice kids? It’s a really fickle age, lots of showing off and turning on friends for the sake of a laugh from others.

for you.

I've just been into school and the teachers have said I'm not the only parent that has been in.
I've discovered numerous really vile messages on snapchat and one girl in particular seems to be the ring leader and each day a different child gets grief. I'm not saying my child is totally innocent and I'll be having very stern words with him when he gets home 😡
It's so difficult being a parent and knowing what to do for the best but social media is completely banned now and I'll do my very best to encourage hobbies.
I'm alarmed that there are messages of numerous children in the chat saying they want to kill themselves 😭 this has been reported to the school and they are dealing with it.
Thanks so much for your support and I'm glad I'm not on my own.

@ladybee28 I know what you're saying as DS thinks he's being funny but doesn't realise the impact of his lies.
He's messaged his friends saying my husband has broken my arm which is totally not true and he's going to be put in foster care. 🤣

@DowntonCrabby some of his friends are really nice and they seem to be the ones who get picked on by the others

Hi! I have a son the same age.

He doesn't have SM but he does have a phone. The WhatsApp groups he is in, I do have a look through. Some of them are questionable content from a few kids (always the same ones) mostly they are pretty innocent.

We are going through the constant battles with him being volatile with his moods. One minute he is happy as Larry, the next he is flying off the handle because we've asked him to do his homework.

Nothing has changed at home, or with him as such, but it's just their age. It's a very difficult age for boys I find because they are now top of the school in primary and most of them are really too "big" for that school anymore. Theirs constant pecking order hierarchy, SAT pressure and also, the hormones are kicking in.

My son does a lot of sport, but he has also stuck with Scouts from being a cub, and I will keep making him go as it's a really positive and healthy environment for him, not all about competition.

In short, it's the age OP. Ride it out. He will get knocked down a few pegs when he hits secondary, the hormones will level out and make him rational again. Stand firm, over praise the good behaviour and deal with the negative quickly and swiftly.