12 year old language

[Sue444]

Hi there just wanting some advice. What do people think of 12 year old step son telling his half sister she is fat, greedy, idiot, saying 'that's why I don't like her'. She is only 4 years old. He does play nicely with her so it's not all bad but I don't like what he says to her sometimes. His dad brushes it off. We have told him not to say those things but he carries on. We think he is jealous of her as he has said she gets to see her mum 24/7 and I can't see my mum. He was taken away from his mum 5 years ago. Unfortunately we don't live with dad and son as it didn't work out and obviously this doesn't help and I don't feel supported by his dad who says I worry too much or am over reacting. Thanks for your advice.

You need to have a serious chat with his Dad. He simply cannot say those things to his sister. He needs pulling up on it every single time.

He sounds like he might be struggling too. Is he getting plenty of one to one time with his Dad? How’s your relationship with him?

He has some time with his dad where they go out on their bikes. It can be difficult as his dad works most weekends. I know he helps him with his Lego and models he likes doing. I don't really have a relationship with him. He is always sent to his grandma's. My ex doesn't ask me to have him, it's not talked about. I used to look after him at the weekend when he was younger when I was with his dad. He tends to have phases of saying certain things then it changes to something else that you then need to talk to him about. He says bully a lot mainly when he's messing around but I feel it's a funny thing to say

He has said in the past that his sister gets everything she wants and I get nothing. This isn't true as he has alsorts of toys, lego, expensive bike, laptop. Often he says 'who cares'. I think you are right he is struggling. He has been like this since his sister was born but prior to that had difficult behaviour. He had a phase of saying 'peenagog' - making words up. Which I found out meant dogs penis.

Sorry, I think i May have misread your post. Are yiu not with his DF anymore?

So when do you see him? I'm confused

Sorry it is confusing! I'm not with my daughter's father anymore. So I'll see my ex when I drop my daughter off. I prob won't see my step son this week. I might see them next weekend as they are helping me put a shed up. Thats when things are noticeable, at my house he will start saying things to his sister - baby, dont even like you. He wants to go home to play his games so plays up when he has to wait. Hope that clarifies things.

You need to make it clear to your ex that if this needs to stop and now. You simply can’t leave your DD in a position where there is an older boy verbally abusing her continually.

Either your Ex needs to stop it or you need to change the contact arrangements.