11 year old not wanting to be involved with family life

[charliebear78]

Just what the title says!
My Son no longer seems to want to spend any time with us his Parents or his Little Brother.
He would rather be on the Xbox or watching Videos on his phone.
Now I know this is like a lot of Children his age!
However it's EVERYTHING we do!-Trips out of the house ANYWHERE.
He is also getting very cheeky-It is driving us all mad and tbh I just do not like being around him much anymore(and the feeling seems to be mutual!!)
Can anyone relate? I feel slightly lost with it all and it is getting me down-if we left him to it I do not think he would move off the Xbox.
He has time limits and moans none of his friends do-however when he comes off he is fed up in minutes and we try to suggest other things for him to do-or get him doing other things with us but it is usually met with more moaning and sighs and pleas to stay at home etc.

It sounds standard. You have to persevere through it and don't let him think you don't want to be around him. Strict timescales for gaming and TV. Ask him to suggest a list of 10 different activities he enjoys or would like to try. Then he has a ready-made list of stuff to do when he's not in front of a screen.

We were a little like this as kids.

I remember from about age 9 my dad did family night on Saturdays.

Game boy (the memories) would be put away, we all had PJs on and would have a takeaway in front of the Saturday game show that was on. We'd normally split into teams and join in with it.

Maybe something regular like that would work? For that period, WiFi is turned off

Yes we do try to spend time in the Evenings watching something we all can enjoy-Recently we have watched Stranger Things(which as now finished)
I have old Box sets of Heroes so may try this next...
I have asked him to write a list so we will see.
Thanks for the suggestions, I just feel like he is barely around- and when he is he is so unlikeable at times!

I think he’s just trying to control you be being mean. Tell him how long he can have on the Xbox, if he whinges when he’s come off it, tell him you’ll cut the time down on his Xbox tomorrow be 10 minutes unless he starts being nice.

I sympathise, and have just started a similar themed thread asking for ideas on this board.

Regarding days out - mine will moan but usually enjoy it once we get out. Things that have gone well recently - an old ruined English Heritage site, climbing on/in and out of the ruins and we made up a football/tag type game to play there.

Finance permitting, meals out can be a good one, especially the buffet style places, or generally food that they like.

My 11 year old gets 90 minutes iPad a day, if he moans or extends it by stealth, he gets time taken away the next day.
My 14 year old daughter and her phone I find harder to handle, though I can’t quite put my finger on why, so any suggestions gratefully received.

We rarely saw both DDs between 13 to 15. Their bedroom was their sanctuary. Can’t get rid of them now they are older.

Try not to worry it’s normal for teens to withdraw and their friends become the centre of their universe. It’s hard when it has always been family first.

OP I could have written this accept mine is 10. I also have a younger DS. It is getting me down. I feel like he isn't my little boy anymore, he is like a different person. Sometimes he is still lovely but 90% of the time it's exactly what you describe.

That’s so something call puberty, not just the hormone changes, but the attitude and perspective on life changes.

They’ll want to do what they want at that point, not be forced around by everyone, rebel time...

But stick through it, I do like the list idea >>>>Jilted

I think screen addiction and puberty are two different things and 10/11 is too young for this behaviour to bet down to hormones in a boy.

I would suggest a reset by going cold turkey on screens for the rest of the holidays. It’s hard, I’ve done it with my kids, the first 24 hours are the worst, but then it’s like the old child emerges and it’s lovely. We do it all together so I put down my phone for the same period.