Preteens
should i loosen the reigns?
MrsStressheadB · 18/10/2018 21:26
Hi everyone,
So my question is am I being too strict with my kids? a lot of my friends give their kids a bit more leeway then me but they only have 1 or 2 kids I have 3 they age 5,7 and 8. They want to play out on our street like the other kids do and go to our local shop on their own, I don't even let them go downstairs' on their own on a morning or go in the fridge without permission. I feel like I'm so uptight by trying to be a good mum that maybe I may be doing more damage then good? me and my 8 year old son argue a lot but I think its because maybe I don't treat him like an 8 year old? I refuse to let him have a mobile I feel he is too young I banned him off YouTube because he couldn't separate fake silly videos with real life that was a year ago and I still don't let him on. I feel like if I don't loosen the rope he wont be ready for reality when it comes to him going anywhere without me when he older. What do you let your 8 year old kids do? should I let him out on the street to play? should I let him bk on you tube should I give him a bit more free reign? basically do I try have more faith in him? he is a bugger for lying but he always gets caught out as he is not a good liar thankfully. usually if I give him an inch he will take a mile and this is why i don't trust him but he got to learn someday right? all 3 are the same but he by far is the worst but with him being the eldest he obviously will end up doing all the mile stones first. your advice will be gratefully received. I think I know what I should be letting him do but actually loosing the string to let him is a different story.
BackforGood · 19/10/2018 00:22
I think these things are very dependent on other circumstances.
In some roads, all the dc play out from an early age - all the parents keep an eye out, and all is well. In other areas, they would never be safe to play out the front.
Not letting them go downstairs seems harsh, even for the youngest!!
Not letting them go in the fridge, again seems a bit OTT. At 8 or 9, mine started cooking simple meals. Seems very restrictive if they can't get themselves a bowl of cereal even.
Mine didn't get phones until they went to secondary - they all seem to have grown up into reasonable adults without being traumatised by this.
Re the You Tube - would a compromise of him being allowed to browse through You Tube, but to do it in a public area of your house work ? ie, he can do it at the kitchen table whilst you are cooking, or in the living room whilst you are there ?
You do have to gradually give your dc responsibility, and trust them to start making judgements, or they have a massive shock once they need to, and haven't had any practice with seemingly unimportant other things.
MrsStressheadB · 19/10/2018 09:08
Hi I do let them get their cereal if I am downstairs with them I bought a machine that makes it easier for them, if I'm not awake at say 8am i av told them they can't go downstairs on their own just for arguing reasons and spilling milk all over, struggling with trust is my main issue, I let him go in the fridge he just needs to ask as I have set meal times, I wasn't sure wether to let them just av free reign or not n get snacks when ever they want. N I will let him make a small meal tnite actually for himself, i will also show them how to put the tv on and let them go downstairs tomorrow as long as it's not 5am lol I'll see how it goes. Also you tube good idea I'll let him watch it in the family room instead of in his room. N if it's nice after school I think I'll let them on the backs on their bikes then n obviously keep an eye on them. Thanks for the advice ya see I kno what I'm doing I just need to realise I can't control everything and done things I have to let go of Cos some things are out of my control and I can't wrap them in cotton wool unfortunately. Will see how it goes anyway x
JiltedJohnsJulie · 21/10/2018 18:05
How about letting him eat fruit in between meals? We have set mealtimes too and I often offer a snack. If they wanted more I let them help themselves to fruit. My DS is a teen now though so the cupards literally have to be rammed with stuff he can eat. If he had to ask me every time, it would drive me bonkers! 
Could you download the child’s version of YouTube and let him watch that? Only using devices in public areas is good advice too. No 8 yo should be on a phone, laptop or tablet in their room.
Getting him to cook is also good advice. DS has this book at 7 and as a teen is a competent cook. I don’t worry about him starving anyway
thismummydrinksgin · 26/10/2018 22:05
Sounds like your being completely reasonable to me. Ds has phone when he was 10 and has only just started in. A controlled way going out on own (10.5). Have a 7yr old DD she doesn't leave my sight! They do go downstairs in a morning by themselves and have to ask also before eating. I'm uptight too but I call it parenting 😂 xx
thismummydrinksgin · 26/10/2018 22:06
Let them have you tube kids app it's less fake newsy x
MrsStressheadB · 26/10/2018 22:24
Appreciate everyone's reply yes I av slowly started letting him do more. Life is a bit easier now. Now just to get him to look while crossing a Road instead of nosing I'm cars and waving at his mates lol. Never a dull moment bein a parent is there . X
FishCanFly · 29/10/2018 11:45
7 and 8yo's should be able to go out and play with other kids. Hothousing them isn't healthy.
MrsStressheadB · 29/10/2018 12:04
They most definitely aren't housed children we do a lot together and are always in the garden the other kids on the street are too old so play with mine anyway. Things av changed since this post but I don't know how to delete it x
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