Bedtime rules - 12 year old

[Icantfindausername]

Hi
Since catching my daughter on her phone at 11pm one night I have a rule that she leaves her phone downstairs at bed time. I'm just wondering how long I can enforce this. Also what time do you stop telling them to go to bed and let them decide themselves?
Thanks

My eldest is 13. Tablet and phone are outside their room on the landing to charge. He goes to bed at 8.30-9 which I know is early but he does need his sleep. He knows that if he wants he can have his ipad till 9.30 (sneaking it in after bedtime so his younger sibling doesn’t know).

So I think what you’re doing right now is fine. I honestly don’t see the need for tech in bedrooms overnight no matter what your age.

I did it until my daughter left school - at 18!

Yep, 18. Best thing I ever did (and she agrees - she's 20)

And I did it from 11 so it wasn't a surprise and there was never any arguments about it - she plugged it outside her room at 9 when she got to 13.

Until they can self-regulate

DS is 14 and still has to hand over all of his electronics before bed. We’re more relaxed at the weekend.

8:30 at that age, but I didn't mind if she did reading until about 9ish. I wasn't that strict, and there was flexibility, esp at weekends or when she had late night hockey/swimming. Although 9:30 was my absolute limit.

Tbh DD was fairly sensible so I let her self-regulate from about 16 (When she started 6th form), as she sometimes stayed up late to finish work.

18yo has never been regulated by us, but that is because they have always been very good at either self-regulating or at dealing with consequences. Weird child.

16yo and 12yo both have to plug their phones in downstairs overnight. 16yo's bedtime is 10.30 and 12yo's is 9.30. Phone cut-off is 1h before bedtime. Both rules get fudged/blurred/relaxed on non-school-nights and during holidays, but can be enforced if dh or I feel it necessary.

12yo also has Family Pact installed on their phone, which limits internet use to certain times of the day.

Ooh how does family pact work? Sounds good!

My 12 year old is quite a night owl, would stay up til midnight given half a chance but I generally switch her light off around 9.30 or 10.00. She is not allowed phone or tablet overnight.

Just to offer another controls option, we have the app screentime which is great, you can set bedtimes when nothing works but Kindle (for example) and lights out time when nothing works until morning. You can set how long they can use the tablet or phone each day and add or remove time via your own phone, remotely (even if they are out if they have internet access). And you can restrict all apps or only certain ones. Eg mine are allowed to use the Kindle app and Spotify as much as they like (until bedtime) but everything else is limited.

I recommend family link app if your daughter has an android or ourpact if apple. I also have a "circle" device from amazon that connects to an app on my phone it controls everything that connects to the WiFi in our house including the TV. Each device can be assigned to a person and they can each have different settings and time allowances. The WiFi for each person or the whole house can be paused when you wish (I don't even need to be at home!) It cost about £100 but has saved so many arguments in the last 6 months.... I love it.

Ds is 12 am is allowed his phone in his room but it’s not near his bed and set on do not disturb at night. If he starts using his phone instead of sleeping he won’t be allowed it.

Do you have apple devices OP?

If you do, you can have apple family, then it comes with the ability for you to control screen time.
You can set it to turn off any devices at a certain time and come back on when you choose.

If they want extra time they can request it, and then you can decide how long (or not)

So 11 yr can have his devices in his room and they are useless without my passcode 😉

DD 11's tablet lives in our room, her phone should be next to her pillow for the alarm, but she mislaid it during half term when the alarm was off, so we can't find it. She won't be deciding when to go to bed herself yet, as she can't imagine trying to get up the next morning after only 8 hours sleep.

In our family all kids devices go into our bedroom at 7.30pm turned off. It gives everyone a bit of a chance to talk and watch something on TV as a family.