Do you still get changed in front of your pre-teens?

[babycatcher411]

A bit of back ground:
My son is 10, nearly 11, and I regularly still get changed/walk to the bathroom with minimal clothes on when he is around.
It has never been a big deal, he does not seem remotely bothered and is also very happy to just get changed in front of me also.

I'm generally quite open with him when we talk about bodies, there's never a major drama or awkwardness when discuss things that are bodily related. I am a midwife and he has known from a fairly young age about how baby's are made/born (obviously worded age appropriate) but I have never bent the truth to make it^ supposedly "age appropriate".^

Last night me and my partner were talking about it and he feels my son is now at an age where it's weird to see his mum without clothes on. He thinks he's at an age when he's 'thinking about girls' and therefore seeing his mum with no clothes is inappropriate.
My argument was that he is just not bothered at all, and at the point he becomes bothered he will start to get changed with his door closed or just not come into our room/the bathroom whilst I am changing/bathing.

Obviously as a girl, my relationship with my mum is different to mine with my dad/my son with mine, but I definitely think I was still seeing my mum get changed at this age, as were my siblings (I can't really remember with the boys, maybe they were younger when they started to be bothered). I don't really remember being conscious about it till probably high school.

So my question is, how old is too old to see mum get changed? Or getting changed in front of mum?

My DS is a similar age and I pretty much do what you do. He sometimes comes in the bathroom when I'm showering and has seen me getting dressed etc.

He doesn't seem bothered by this and I'll continue as we are until such times as he doesn't feel comfortable. I think the age where it changes will likely vary from child to child.

That's reassuring to know. I felt as if, from my partners reaction, that I was way off with this and doing something other people would consider inappropriate

I don’t walk around naked but if my ds needs the loo and I’m in the shower, (opaque screen) he comes in to the bathroom without any drama.

I do make more of an effort to cover up. He still sees me in my undies though. It’s only like on a beach so I don’t see it as a problem.

I wouldn't personally. Not because I have hangups or anything. Lord I still run around starkers in front of my grown up DDs!

But in situations like this I'd think about the reverse. How appropriate would it be for an 11yr old girl seeing her Dad without clothes? Because, that's essentially the same thing isn't it?

I have resolved to cover up more now dds are mid teens, and dh did from pre teen age. Its not about bodies being shameful, its just respecting the fact that you don’t want to necessarily see your parents ones!

Ds1 is 11. I did as you describe until quite recently, when he seems to be a bit embarrassed about seeing me - so I've generally made more effort to have bedroom door shut while changing etc.

He remains completely happy to walk round house naked, talk to me while he showers, etc - I haven't made any particular effort to 'stay away' from his nakedness

I have a son of a similar age and over the past year or so, he's become much more bothered about his privacy. He closes the bathroom door when he's in the bath now (but doesn't really mind me coming in if he forgets his towel!) and also doesn't want me to come into his room when he is changing.

So, I respect that and also ask him to do the same to me. He used to be in and out of my bedroom in the mornings when I was getting ready but I ask him not to do that now...partly because he gets in the way when I am rushing! But mostly as he's clearly getting a bit more aware and it feels like the right thing to do to follow his lead and not make him feel awkward or embarrassed.

Honestly if your covering everything that would be covered on a public beach I think you're ok. And if he has to use the loo while you're bathing then so be it but I imagine that will stop naturally as he gets older.

I’m always stripping off in front of my teen dds however dh started to cover up when they were pre-teen!

If anything I think it’s important for kids & teens to see and remember that human bodies aren’t all about youth and beauty and tautness.

I grew up seeing all kinds of bodies on European beaches- and I think it helped me counteract the messages pushed from advertisers, porn, peers and all those ‘pressures to conform’. I can still remember marvelling at the very old grandmas in bikinis chatting at the water’s edge. Their amazing wrinkle patterns, lumpy bits, saggy bits. And their total lack of inhibitions. Marvellous! It was a great life lesson to someone entering the judgey years of adolescence, not some trauma!

I’ll probably have to parade around starkers at home on purpose, long after I’d prefer not to, just to make my point! If the DC find me embarrassing or gross, there’ll be a swift reminder of why I look like I do!

By the way, I recommend the French ‘sci fi’ Series ‘Nu’ about a guy who wakes from a 9 year coma to discover society has passed ‘Transparency Laws’, requiring everyone to be nude, all the time. It’s funny and certainly makes you think! The guy’s parents are hilarious.

I don’t cover up and my pre teen ds (12) doesn’ t bat an eye lid.