Walking home from school

[Bexicle22]

My daughter has just gone into year 6. She’s 10 but only turned 10 in July so she’s a “little” 10. She has cousins who are 9 and 10 and they’ve just started walking to school by themselves which has created a little bit of jealousy with my DD.

Every Tuesday and Thursday, the three of the them have been walking to my grandmas house together after school as she lives just round the corner. I’m happy for her to do that as it’s not a busy road and a lot of parents and kids walk that way. But she wants to walk home without me too.

I walk her to school as I work in that direction so there’s no point in her walking by herself anyway. She wants to walk home instead but I’ve told her she can’t walk home by herself. She keeps saying she wants to be more grown up and I get that when you’re in year 6 it’s not very cool to be picked up from school by your mum. It’s about a 10 minute walk but it involves crossing a few busy roads.

I said if she can find someone in her class who walks the same way home then I’ll consider it but I’m just very cautious. She’s a very sensible girl but most of the roads in our town are a free-for-all with no proper crossings. She knows how to cross a road safely but I just can’t help picturing idiot drivers not paying attention. She’s my only child so I’ve not been through any of this before. Am I being too over-cautious? Should I loosen the reins a little? Or is she still quite young to be walking home with a friend?

Mine all started walking home by themselves at the end of year 5. We started with them making all the road crossing decisions with me so I felt confident and we also discussed the best crossing place. We are lucky that the main road has a crossing but we had to discuss stupid drivers who ignore the lights. With ds1 my dh was off work sick so he used to shadow him secretly! Unfortunately we have to just trust ds2. Luckily his friends live nearby so they often travel in a group however I worry more about that as ds2 is a bit susceptible to peer pressure and I worry he will do something stupid. It is a leap of faith and I do worry but I would rather he did it when I am nearby rather than wait until secondary when he will be much more independent.

Try letting her walk home gradually. Year 6 is absolutely the right time to start this for most children.

When my daughter was in year 6 I met her half way for a while and by the summer term she was coming home by herself. If it makes you feel any better , begin allowing this at a time with more daylight - for example my daughter began by taking herself to school in the mornings with the promise of a text when she arrived there.

What time is she leaving school and whereabouts are you? Will it always be broad daylight when she is doing this? The clocks go back in a few weeks and on a very rainy day in winter even primary school children could be walking in twilight conditions which make it harder for drivers to see them.
If she finishes at 3pm, this is perhaps a stretch, but it might work as a reason to delay which she will not find too insulting. If you can tell her when you will allow it and give her some reasons, she might feel more accepting.

Our school recommends it in year 6, in preparation for secondary.

DSS is in year 6. Current school is one village over and about 4 miles away so walking is impossible. He's not likely to get into the secondary school there though as there is one just 1 mile away from here, and the other one is in a different district.
If he does get in at the nearest school, I'm thinking he'll need a few practice walks (accompanied?) before we let him loose to walk on his own. I'm sure after a few days/weeks he'll find someone who lives nearby to walk with.

I'd let her. It will boost her self esteem.

My ten year olds walk home alone.

I understand how difficult it can be to grant them bits of independence but what you have to consider is “if not now, then when?”

Nothing magical is going to happen to her in the next year that makes her more capable of crossing a road safely.

I’m a bit surprised you even mentioned her birthday, do you really think that at this age 6 months makes a difference?

If she isn’t mature/sensible enough to walk home that’s one thing but ur should be judged on her actual capability, not the fact she’s young for her year.

And if she isnt mature or sensible enough to be walking home at this point then that’s something you need to work on with her.

@Happyandshiney I was born in May, so was always towards the younger side of the year group, and I didn't like it when certain people kept mentioning this. Every one is different, children should be judged on their individual (mental and emotional not physical) maturity when making decisions on increasing their independence and responsibilities.

What are you planning to do next year when she's at secondary? Because it really will be seriously uncool for you to take and collect her then, and presumably quite difficult if you have other children. I'd suggest you let her start walking home without you at least once a week and work up to every day.

I thought year 6 was very late to just be walking home alone. My ds is year 4 and just started walking home. It takes 10-15 minutes, but I meet him half way at the minute. Most of his year are doing it and the teachers encourage it.
None of the year 6's get picked up at his school.

Our primary school will only allow children once in year 6 to walk home alone.
I allowed my son to walk to school aheadnof me walking his younger sibling so I was only five minute away. Once we got to the start of spring he started to walk home alone in the days when I would be in the house. He is now in year 7 and he to use two buses to get to school so you have to start with enough time to build up what his commute(!) to secondary school will be

The honest truth is that no-one is totally safe walking alone - not even adults. But it's something that we all need to learn to do. So I think at her age, you should absolutely be working towards feeling comfortable with her walking alone. And it's a virtuous circle - the more she does it, the more practised she will be at crossing those roads and the more comfortable you will be that she can cope.

Could you come up with a plan that will gradually let her do more alone? E.g. let her walk some journeys that don't involve a road crossing, walk part of the way with her, let her cross the road alone but with you watching etc And maybe set a goal for when she will be walking completely independently, so that she feels like she's making progress.

I was walking to and from school from the start of year 6. I had to literally walk down a main road the whole way there and back.

And I walked on my own

She needs to learn to be road sensible and you need to learn to let go.

DD started in Y6, the earliest her primary school allowed. It was planned anyway but when I returned from the Summer holiday with a knee injury and couldn't physically bring her so she had to do it. We already practised in Summer term of Y5 so I could see how she crossed roads and "abandoned" her in the playground anyway.

DD had a phone and would text us when she arrived in school.

Mine walks home - 1 busy road. She's been walking home since she was 9. She really loves the independence and on Friday's she gets a little money so she can go into a shop and buy herself a treat.