boasting confidence in 9 year old who can be challenging
whattheheck5 · 27/07/2018 07:41
My son is often pushing the boundaries. He does it because sometimes it works. I am a single parent with a lively, affectionate and sometimes challenging child and to be honest, I sometimes just can't take the drama that follows when I don't come to a compromise with him. I am not always a push over but I do give in to his demands on occasions.
I know I will probably be slated for admitting that but there you have it.
My son covers up his insecurities by making jokes and clowning around. He is struggling a bit at school but if he were more confident I don't think this would be such an issue. His handwriting is poor despite effort and unless reminded his punctuation is erratic. But he has a good vocabulary and sometimes a original and creative way of expressing himself. He struggles with maths when under pressure and is very difficult to help because he thinks he know it all and gets angry and defensive when help is offered. When he gets something 'wrong' he says things like I am a failure.
He can run fast and is strong and quite athletic but when in a competitive situation or a team sport throws strops and behaves inappropriately. His inappropriate behaviour brings him negative feedback and it's all a vicious cycle.
i am not a terribly confident person and I have done a lot to address that but I am sure he picks up on my lack of confidence.
What can I do to help my son? Despite our ups and down we have a strong and loving relationship.
m0therofdragons · 27/07/2018 12:30
My dd is 10 and has improved a lot this year. She's very academic and things come easily to her. When they don't she gets frustrated.
We used the World Cup as a great conversation topic about unfairness (referee decision but players had to accept and move on) and coping with failure. Trying new things means you'll see failure and that's okay. It's far better to try and fail than not try at all etc
It's something we introduce as a conversation when things are fine and calm so the seed is sown.
poobumwee · 27/07/2018 16:50
Try reading lives in the Balance by Ross Greene. Behaviour communicates and underlying issue. Understand the problem and you can work together on a solution so you get buy in x
Seniorschoolmum · 29/07/2018 09:42
Sounds like my 10yo ds. He’s got a lot better since he started karate. He feels included, Sensei is a good male role model, it isn’t a team sport so he’s focusing on his own achievements but he practices with a group & sees how the more senior people show respect to everyone, and it’s all about calm control of a situation, as well as being lots of fun. And it’s an outlet for a lot of energy.
Ds confidence has increased a lot. It costs about £8 a week.
usernameismyusername · 29/07/2018 09:44
I agree with enrolling him in a group activity or sport. My ds also does karate and self defence for confidence. I think it has helped. Another thing we looked into was scouts.
whattheheck5 · 29/07/2018 15:39
He has said he would like to do karate so I will look into it. Will look at the book recommended too. Some great ideas here I like the idea of discussing 'failures' with sports people. He did play rugby in the winter but played up and really struggled with it. I found that hard to understand because he is athletic and reasonably well coordinated but I think at present he is happier with sports that are less team focused. Also because he was moody and struggling he didn't get the ball much and that was something he was keenly aware of.
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