11 year old is driving me nuts

[BWatchWatcher]

Hello,
My 11 year old son will not take no for an answer and is driving me up the wall.
I have always given him a reason why I’m saying no and now I get ‘no, that reason is not good enough’ and he carries on and carries on nagging until I physically leave the room or make him do so.
I am so utterly fed up.

Gahhhhhhhbb

What consequences does he get when he does this? What are you saying no to?

The minute he won’t accept your reason (and maybe consider not even giving one, as a parent and a teacher I wouldn’t see why I should have to always explain my choices to children), calmly send him to his room.

At the moment we’re on holiday with my in laws. He wants me to play a game of hide and seek where we chase them around the garden. Ot was previously far too hot and now unfortunately it’s raining, but he won’t stop.
I’ve now said I am never playing the game again.
I can’t send him to his room because he doesn’t have one here.
I have now confiscated his nintendo switch for the next 2 days.
He also says deliberately hurtful things. I’m presuming it’s attention seeking and boundary pushing, but gahhhh!!!

Is it boredom? Are the hurtful things he’s heard somewhere?

Ok so did you suggest an alternative to the hide and seek or ask him to suggest one? I’m not saying that you always should offer alternatives but if he’s attention seeking, offering to play a game of cards for a few minutes might have calmed the situation.

Sounds like he is bored. Will it harm to play hide and seek in the rain? He shouldnt have an attitude but an 11 year old with no one to play with except adults will be bkred amd grumpy if they then refuse to play with him.

I did suggest several alternatives to the hide and seek game.
The hurtful things are along the lines of saying my legs are fat, that he is racist because of me (I am not, I am heavily involved in inclusive diversity) and he told my MIL that my DH called her a wretched hag.

(My dh did not call his mother a wretch hag).

He’s shit stiring for attention possibly. Can you give him more positive attention when he’s being good

Ok so have you had a chat about how that kind of behaviour is totally not acceptable and the affect it has on people’s feelings? How is his empathy?

His empathy is normally pretty good. He is shit stirring for attention he isn’t normally quite so egregious.
I’ll have a chat with him later when I stop twitching.
Thanks everyone.

You’re the adult and I’m charge. Why are you explaining yourself and negotiating with an 11 year old child?

And if you don’t want to play with him, you don’t have to. At 11 years old he should be able to self entertain.

I give him a reason and explain to teach him to think critically and not turn into someone who blindly obeys orders.
Unfortunately it can be annoying.

He sounds bored. Are there any other kids around? My nearly 11yr old is being a PITA just now, on holiday at my parents with me and his little bro. He’s always been terrible at “self-entertaining» and TBF we’ve been here for 7 weeks so he’s read all the books, played all the games etc.

I find it hard to deal with his behaviour in this situation. As you say, can’t send him to his room as he doesn’t have one here, plus I feel like my parents are looking over my shoulder and my mum butts in to offer advice all the time. So I end up arguing with two people! Truth is? He’s bored, misses his friends and wants to go home.

I’m tackling it with a full programme of entertainment : we go and do something every morning, with or without GPs, stretching it out to after lunch whenever possible. Then I leave him to game / play Fortnite for most of the afternoon. Then we stop for a snack, play a game / have a swim / whatever. Then after dinner he can watch telly if he likes. It’s keeping the peace so far: the routine works.