DD and nervousness of growing up

[TheOnlyLivingMumInNewCross]

Long time member and poster in case anyone worries I'm a troll.
Anyway, we have well and truly reached the awkward part of tween parenting for the first time.
DD is 11, off to secondary imminently.
She has a leaving disco/Prom shortly and has a really lovely dress to wear. No issue there.
The issue is the dress makes it obvious she is developing. She isn't usually shy, but body stuff has her going bright red and embarrassed.
I bought her a training bra today to wear under the dress, she has had soft crop top things before but not actual bras.
She was so embarrassed in the shop, at the till and ran straight upstairs to hide the bag when she got home. Her Dad wanted to see the other bits we got to go with her dress and she clutched the bag and ran! I had to explain to her poor dad.
Before that I tried measuring her and she was so weirded out by it.
What can I do? Do I need to do anything or will she grow out of it by herself?
I want to normalise it for her without freaking her out! My useless mum just threw a bra at me and let me get on with it so that's no help.
Sorry if I sound daft but we are right at the start of massive changes so want to support her as much as possible.

My DD is 12. We've had the embarrassment of underarm hair, pubic hair and first bras. We've chosen bras together & dealt with shaving together. I've told her it's all perfectly normal.

This weekend her periods started. I've tried to deal with it calmly & sympathetically- unlike my mum who said nothing to me about it, I just came home to some sanitary towels on my bed.

She was still in floods of tears one evening saying that she didn't want it to happen and she wanted to be 'normal' again😔

Hopefully, in time she (and your DD) will get used to these changes.

Just be carry on being understanding with her, that's the only advice I can give.

Thank you @MrsScrubbingbrush, our mum's sound identical, some of the ridiculous stuff I believed back then from my supposedly far more knowledgeable mates is laughable.
I hope your DD is feeling better about it soon, it all seems to start far earlier now too.
My DD actually decided to wear one of the bras under her summer uniform today and she said no one could tell like she thought there would be a neon sign above her head She was pleased to report that she forgot she was wearing it by lunchtime so that's good.
I'm not looking forward to periods. Both sides of the family have PCOS or endometriosis so I'm dreading her having it too.

So glad she feels less conspicuous OP. Has she got a good book on periods like one of the ones recommended by A Mighty Girl?

Thanks OP.

It looks like the first period was a light one and it's all over until next month - one down only another 40 odd years to go!

I'm glad your DD feels comfortable in her new bra now. Both M&S and Debenhams sell some lovely moulded bras (no underwiring). Mine still wear crop tops when they have PE as they say they're more comfortable.

Good luck with all he future 'developments '.

Oh, bless her heart. I'm 20 and sometimes still think "wait, really? I have to be a grown up forever?" 😭😭

I do remember crying when I got my first period, just because I didn't want to have to deal with all that business. Turns out I only had them for about 5 years before discovering some contraceptives stop them 😂 but what I mean is, I think how she feels is totally expected and she'll probably get through it fine, especially with such a supportive mum. I still feel a bit odd carrying a Bravissimo bag around town and would panic if my dad asked me what I'd bought! But totally feminist and emancipated and body/sex positive and confident in other ways, so I think body confidence and not being awkward about "girls stuff" is full of grey areas, it's not necessarily all or nothing.

Going through very similar here! I asked my DD for her advice, she says she's not quite as embarrassed as your DD.
Our advice is to keep (gently) talking, don't tease, be sensitive about clothing and make sure you talk about periods before they happen and have some pads ready.
When she's a bit less excruciatingly uncomfortable, take her somewhere and let her choose some undies herself. Bear in mind sizing might change quickly too. We got some nice, inexpensive ones from Primark.

@Beamur, we got a set of two nonwired ones from Primark, purely as it's her favourite shop in the world so thought that would help.
We have had the periods chat, and her class teacher suggested during sex education that the girls may want to carry a sanitary towel in their bag so she does now. She wasn't too upset about the periods chat but after this I think that may change.
SATs results and then football took her mind off it last night (She cried, full on tears, when we lost, bless her), but one funny thing happened with the bra.
When it was hot at the weekend I took mine off without taking anything else off, she thought that was immensely impressive (of all the things I have done this is what she finds amazing ). She managed it herself last night! And then whispered "taking it off feels so good doesn't it Mum?" I did chuckle, and said she was already partway to being a grown up lady as all women know how nice it is after a day of wearing one, especially in a heatwave.

I understand what you're saying.

DD is 12 And is incredibly sensitive about her development. She won't even say 'bra'! She also has one breast that's developing but the other is completely flat and this is paining her terribly. I have vague recollections of one being slightly larger than the other but not completely flat?

I think it's also really important to gently tell our children (although I've not said much) how digital trickery makes people look impossibly fabulous. Growing up is hard enough....

I would slightly take issue with it being a relief to take a bra off, surely it's not fitting correctly if you need to do that? I never feel the need to take mine off other than to get undressed. I wouldn't want to be giving the message that discomfort is part and parcel of bra wearing.

OP - my DD now carries around a small pencil case containing a few sanitary towels, a spare pair of pants, wet wipes & a few little disposable bags (like the ones used for dog poo but nicer!)

Everything she needs should she be taken unawares but not it's not obvious what it is.

I remember full-on crying when I first got told about periods (in Year 4...) and saying to my mum "I don't want to grow up!" This might have been because I'm not good with blood, but I managed when they started so I think I'm over it now. Hopefully your DD will just take it in her stride and everything will be fine.