Year 7 friendship advice

[Mybestusername]

DD12 is coming to the end of year 7 and is experiencing some issues with one particular girl. They were at the same primary school and this girl ‘stole’ DD’s best friend (and yes, I know you can’t steal friends as such, but this girl went out of her way to win the friendship, joining the same clubs etc to spend as much time as possible with her, leaving my DD out).

Now in secondary school, although DD and other girl are fortunately in different classes, every time DD gets close to someone, this girl seems to butt in and takes over, adding them on social media with BFF comments etc, arranging to meet up with them, going off at break time - it’s happened with 3 friends so far since September! This week DD is upset as again this girl has made moves on her current best friend. I’ve suggested DD confides in her friend to say she’s worried that this girl is causing trouble, but she’s worried in case it backfires on her. Any suggestions? Thanks for reading!

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

That’s such a tough one and I’m sorry, I don’t have the answers. Is there someone at school that she can talk to?

[Mybestusername]

Thanks for the response
She feels like she can’t talk to her friend or anyone else, because she’s worried that it will have the opposite effect and cause her to side with the other girl. I’ve suggested that they try to be in a group together, but it’s clear that this girl’s intention is to isolate my DD.

[sleepytiger]

It might be worth asking to speak to the head of year about it due to the persistent nature of the behaviour.

[MrsChollySawcutt]

I think you need to counsel DD to accept that at secondary school, friendships and allegiances change all the time. It's actually not a good idea to be clingy about a 'best' friend and get jealous when someone else wants to access to 'her' friend.

I would be encouraging her to join clubs and outside school activities to widen her own circle of friends. That way, when there is teen drama and stress in one group she can spend time with friends in another group.

I'm not sure this other girl is isolating your DD. I don't think she is helping herself by wanting only a full on 1-1 'best' friendship.

My DD has this in reverse, she is gregarious and has friends in lots of classes and clubs. One girl attached herself to DD and got possessive and clingy when she was with other friends. DD really liked her but didn't want to only do things with her and lose her other friends. DD has distanced herself now so that they are still good friends but not in an exclusive way.

[Mybestusername]

Thanks for the advice, I should say that DD does seem to have quite a few friends, and it’s not the case that she only wants a best friend! The issue is that as soon as she starts to develop a deeper friendship with one person, this other girl decides that she also wants to be friends with the same person! And it has happened 3 times since September, as well as at primary school! I think she must have a jealousy issue with DD but DD doesn’t know how to deal with it.