11 year old SD who barely talks

[Lalameme]

My SD 11 barely talks to us she’s been in my life 5.5 years but the last year she simply doesn’t bother making any conversation and she says she’s the same at her mums house confirmed by her Mum.

It is quiet hard as we try make conversation but she replies short closed answers

Doctor said she doesn’t warrant counselling
She had a social worker who said leave her too it but everyone finding it tough with her just sat there and not trying to talk or joining in with any conversations even though we all try and talk to her.

Well there's not much you can do if she doesn't want to speak so this must be a difficult situation. Maybe suggest to her writting down why she doesn't want to speak. What was she like before this started?

She has always been less chatty than most children but it’s now really hard as we’ve asked her etc and she says I’m always like this - we asked if she tells dad she says no?
She used to make generals child conversations and muck around but all she does is come in sit in sofa on her phone as her dad works from home he basically leaves her to it ?
Not sure what else to do can’t keep asking her what’s wrong are you okay and trying to make conversations when I get 1-2 word answers
Her dad took her out Friday to play kids crazy golf and dinnnwr just the 2 Of then as she lies one to one with him and they cane back and she didn’t utter a word for an hour and a half only once when she asked me what the apple logo was on her phone.
I sometimes wonder if it’s best if I just left her to be as she is as her dad and Mum aren’t really overly worried. Just I have looked after and had my own children and grandchildren in the last 30 years so been around many children and I’ve never meet a child that’s been around people she knows well simply not try and talk or wants to bother ?

When I married, my sister-in-law had just turned 12. Lovely chatty child until one day when overnight, making conversation became very much a blood-from-a-stone pursuit. It's most definitely best to just leave her to it (assuming she hasn't stopped communicating altogether) - dropping the odd offhand remark in her presence might be an idea, but I'd implore you to avoid trying to force a response. It just antagonizes the little minxes.

I agree the atmosphere is strained when she’s here even her dad and Mum avoid her now ,

Could it be Selective Mutism?
Does her school have a counsellor? Is she at secondary or about to go?
How is she at school?

On the NHS you are unlikely to get help - but that doesn't mean she doesn't need it.

One thing I would totally disagree with the NHS article - is it says selective mutism is not related to Autism - however if it is an Anxiety disorder, you would expect it to be more prevalent in people with Autism as people with Autism tend to suffer more Anxiety.

@TallAndUnapologetic - had something happened to your SIL? I would be extremely concerned that a chatty child became silent overnight, and would suspect a trauma.

And this is different to sulky teenage ness.

SD is inhaooy as her dads always working and her mum neglected her as she has alcohol and drugs problems so for some reson she’s stopped talking unless spoken to

Father’s Day she didn’t even want to come see her dad .....

Why did she have a social worker?

As her Mum was having drink and cocaine problems for a while

I’d sit her down and say “ I know you don’t want to talk and that’s fine but We’re here to talk to if you want to. No pressure but if you don’t tell us what you want for tea, when you want to swim or go on holiday, we won’t know ‘cos we’re not psychic.”

Stick a chalk board in the kitchen and telll her to write on that if she doesn’t want to talk.

And let her get on with it. Draw hearts on the board every now and then.

She’ll come round, just don’t make a big thing of it. All the teenagers I know hate fuss. For my niece, we used to leave messages like “there are strawberries & cream in the fridge”.

OP, you sound about as sympathetic as a house brick.

Perhaps you could focus a little less on how uncomfortable you feel, and rather more on how the child must feel.

Is she getting any ongoing counselling? If not a charity like Young Minds might be able to advise.

Poor girl.

She's sounds traumatised by her mother's addictions