Tacky clothes

[AuntieBulgaria]

So just as I did with my mother before me, who wouldn't let me own anything from Tammy Girl, I am now starting to disagree with DD (coming up on 11) on matters of fashion.

Why oh why do they like the tackiest looks? What possesses her to want to either have her tummy out or her shoulders 'cold'?

On the whole, I buy her clothes so I've generally found things we both like but tomorrow for the first time, she wants to go to Primark with a friend and spend some pocket money on an outfit for the school BBQ.

Should I 'choose my battles' and let her buy an outfit that makes her look like a mini-eighteen year old? Or should I set some boundaries (no cut outs, no netting)?

Ahhh just let her do it! Let her choose but guide her.
If you don’t like a certain bit of the outfit then suggest something else, so if you don’t think the top of a appropriate then be like ‘oh them bottoms are really nice, they would look so good with .......’
Me and my sister were always told that if our legs are out then boobs are away and if boobs are out then no short skirts/shorts (obviously your daughter is still too young for that) I’m nearly 27 and still go by that.
I dressed like a proper chav the minute I was allowed to choose clothes 😂 but I was happy.

Let her live. There'll be enough people in her life as she gets older telling her what to do with her body and how she can express herself, don't make yourself one of them.

Yes, trust her but warn her that anything inappropriate goes back.
However, bare tums and bare shoulders are fine at 10 imo

Let her buy what every she wants and is happy wearing
I have a 12 year old dd. We had a conversation last week about belly tops and cold shoulder tops. I don't love them but she does. So she has lots but I'm letting it go...she's happy and while she's young I figure why not. Let her live and pick your battles

I think there's quite a difference between cold shoulder and tummy- baring.
Personally I don't mind cold -shoulder tops, although they could be a bit ....chilly.... But I wouldn't be happy about a youngster wearing a belly top anywhere other than the beach. But that's just my view. One is tacky, one is inappropriate imo. I 'd allow tacky but not inappropriate , for a girl so young.
But pick your battles, think about how !ugh you really care about this, and talk to your daughter about your reasons.

I agree with Delphinium. Cold shoulder tops are ok, belly tops no. DD1 (13) got it, I’ve explained to have it all now means nothing to look forward to.

A little at a time is my advice.

But it's just belly!!

Well known MN fact that men can't help but automatically get aroused at prepubescent tummy skin. Much more so than literally any other skin. 100% peer reviewed, fact checked insight.

Belly tops are fine (and fashionable so she probably just wants to join in)
I loved belly tops when I was young, still do (I just have too much belly now 😂)

Betty74 No such thing. My size 20 tummy looked great in my ridiculously bright Primark Lilo and Stitch crop top today. I say go for it and embrace that nobody is telling you what you can and can't wear 😂

I find it quite funny how twitchy my dc’s friends mums get the few times I have been in New Look with them and their dc. I do say I will only get things within budget that fit well and not if I hate it, but otherwise I like to give her some choice. Its ok though, I get that they just want to steer their dc more and also buy good clothes sparingly to do for lots of occasions.

argumentativefeminist - my tummy skin is so loose I would look like I’m melting out the bottom of a belly top 😂 but thank you anyway 😂 xx

This child is 10. Not 12, not 13.

It’s good to hold stuff back, eek it out.

I told mine that they could wear crop tops. And when they did, I would. 😄

she sounds very stylish. cold shoulder tops and crop tops are in atm. I think it's normal for the older generation to think the younger generation look a state!

DD thanks you kindly 'mums of the net'
I have said I won't interfere with her choices.

It's a funny balance in my head between fear of being judged by other people, not wanting her to grow up too quickly and on the other hand agreeing that yes, she should be allowed to choose her own look.

I will let you know how it goes...

Well in a reverse Handmaid's Tale, it appears to be illegal to cover up your shoulder if you shop in Primark.

She chose a rather sweet flowery dress with cut out shoulders and I thought I'd got off quite lightly. Then right at the last minute added some cut off denim shorts and a cropped t-shirt. And some Harry Potter flip flops.

Ah well, they enjoyed the experience and I survived it!

Thing is its easy to think cropped bits and flashing skin is making her grow up but actually I think short short and crop tops are a show that she's still a kid, not self conscious about a bit of puppy fat or other peoples judgements. She just feels cool, can play and look cute

omg I was head to foot Tammy Girl and Mark One (or whatever it was called) at that age. Which basically due to the Spice Girls meant I was wandering around dressed like a hooker from outer space....
I honestly dont know how my mother found the strength.... shes always been very classically stylish, it mustve been a nightmare for her but she just left me to it... I have a lot of respect for her looking back on this as I dont know how I would react if/when my daughter starts doing the same..

Honestly when I look back my school was full of ten year old girls in fishnet stockings and foam platform shoes... and tiny army camo skirts in that horrible shiny nylon material....'wet look' shudder

crop tops and cold shoulders seem tasteful in comparison!

Letsallhaveanap

I was keen on looking like someone from Five Star - shiny blouses, massive shoulder pads and jewellery already attached.

And I would have killed for a ra-ra skirt. I used to get cast-offs from my much cooler cousin, 2 years after they were in fashion.

I don't think it's a good message to tell your children they can't show their belly. What's the difference between belly and calf or shoulder?

What about a sari? Is this lady flashing too much flesh?

It's bound up in her suddenly being conscious of what she's wearing and what she looks like.

And having aspirations that nearly all come from what older girls look like.

A year ago I could put out leggings and a t-shirt and she wouldn't have thought twice about what she was putting on.

Now I have to fish lipgloss out of her school bag and she's started taking selfies on my phone with her hair artfully arranged.