End of my tether with 10yr old!

[doesthisnamelookgoodonme]

Called in my 10yr olds school at the end of the day for the second time this week due to his behaviour. Today he was nearly sent home he was so bad. What am I supposed to do? He literally flies off the handle with everything and everyone. I’ve had him referred to CAMHS three times, twice they refused to see him, he had an assessment recently and they’ve deemed there to be no issues. The only thing they are doing is referring him for bereavement counselling to do with losing my Nan. We’ve tried talking to him, he just says he hasn’t done anything and everyone is lying, will accuse his teacher of lying in front of me and the teacher. He’s had all privileges taken away, no tv no phone no xbox, it has no effect. We stopped him going to drama school which is his one love, hasn’t bothered him at all. School tell me they are going to refer him for one thing or another and never do. I am literally at the end of my tether

we stopped him going to drama school which is his one love

Why on earth did you do that!? One thing I've learnt from having teenagers is that it is SO good for them if they have a passion. A hobby. A sport they love. Anything that gives them experiences outside of school and home. I know he's only 10, but having drama in his life is a positive thing, and hopefully he will keep it up when he hits adolescence.

He's literally had it all taken off him. Of course he's not going to show he cares about drama. What's the point?

I'm not saying do nothing about his behaviour. Of course you have to, it sounds awful. But I do believe that his behaviour is trying to tell you something. Learn to like him again. Show him you want to spend time with him, despite his behaviour. Take him out, just you and him. Or dad and him.

@pasanda because him going to drama was a treat, a privilege, and when you misbehave, you lose those privileges. Or should I allow him to misbehave and continue to get his own way?

You know your child best about taking away drama classes.
I would see if there were options for him tiring himself out doing something useful.
I'd suggest something like Scouts if he is ready to start behaving better.

If he's lost everything that he enjoys he has nothing left to lose, so no incentive to behave. It's hard, but look for the positive behaviour, and praise it. Reward chart, stickers etc.

we stopped him going to drama school which is his one love

I think that's a mistake to be honest, it's so good for children to have hobbies, really helps build social skills and confidence. I'm having to really push my 10yr old to carry on with football, I know he enjoys it but he'd give everything up at the mo to be alone on the Xbox if he could!
I agree with pasandra it's almost as if you've takin away everything from him so why should he care anymore, it's all gone anyway!

Of course you 'shouldn't allow' him to misbehave. But taking everything away doesn't seem to be working so far does it

Do you have older dc? I am really learning the hard way with my dd14 that I wish she had a hobby/passion to take her away from social media and school (which she hates).

I dunno, maybe try looking at the long game. It seems you feel the need to punish him for everything in the here and now. But if you start to be more positive with him, despite him misbehaving, re-introduce drama etc, you will hopefully find he will start to gradually change.

Just don't expect it to happen this week. Maybe aim for a new him for the start of the next school year?

Is there anything that prompts him to
Fly off the handle that you've noticed?
What happens when he does? Is he allowed to be angry but manage it safely( my son takes himself off to his bedroom and comes out when he's calm)