How ro handle 11 year old who barely tolerates me?

[walkingtheplank]

Things have been going pretty badly with 11 yr old daughter of late. She more often that not snaps back at me or flounces off or scowls at me when I speak to her. I am not being horrible to her when this happens. It's usually a quite innocuous comment or question or just being in the same room her. Meanwhile her father is practically the second Messiah.

I've just been helping her with something at her request and in the 5 minutes it took I deeply annoyed her and then she started scowling at me. I said I had had enough, she started howling, her dad rushed in like the white knight. I felt like I had to defend myself as I now felt like the wicked witch.

I think I'm a nice mum. Not perfect of course. However, I think I'm considerate of her feelings, give her space to talk, try to facilitate her exploring how she feels about things. And yet she always seems irritated by me whether I do something or do nothing.

I appreciate this is probably hormonal but I also know that mums and daughters can go through years of conflict. How do I handle this so that we get on, enjoy each other's company etc.

Any tips would be welcome.

Wish I had some tips. I have an 11 year old DS who is similar to your DD. I'm getting the scowling and flouncing when most of the time I've said nothing wrong.

Sometimes he's sweet and lovely and then other times he's horrible.

My 11 year old flounces a lot. And is often backed up by her dad. It's fucking annoying. I tell her when she's being unreasonable, or rude. She doesn't like it very much. But when she sees how much my mum hates me (because of all kinds of reasons I won't go into) she realizes she doesn't want the same kind of relationship and comes to her senses. Her dad says, ignore the bad, reward the good, but after the 10th time of asking her to put her dirty pants in the wash I just explode. We all have limits!