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12 year old with gender issues

6 replies

Flutterbyem · 05/06/2018 18:19

What should i do? My 12 year old child has left me a note telling me they dont like being female, they dont like their hair long their voice but they want me to be proud. Obviously more in the note but its come from no where of my knowledge ( im guessing for them its not from no where) i have read so much and am still at a loss. I love my child for who they are not what they look like or what gender they are. I have let her know that ive read it and am proud of her for letting me know and that we will have a clearer talk when their little brother is not around. Its a shock but im more shocked that their worried about how i would feel their happiness is all that matters!

I feel guilty for calling them by their gender or name as this was clearly stated they want to be called he and a name. But i am just lost please could anyone offer any advice

OP posts:
JiltedJohnsJulie · 07/06/2018 00:21

Oh Flutterbye I can understand you being thrown by this. Have you had a chat yet? How did it go?

I’ve not got any experience but I’ve seen this book Hope it helps Thanks

moofolk · 07/06/2018 00:38

I think general affirmation that you love her as she is. Puberty is a scary time and it's confusing for kids, especially girls who are faced with a lot of scary stuff, expectations and limitations of what they should and shouldn't do.

4th wave now website was set up by a mum going through something similar and her daughter is now a confident, happy lesbian. In the long run she'll most likely be happier as a woman but there is a lot of chatter pushing parents to affirm kids' desired gender when most actual research says that while of course dismissing their concerns is not the way, that affirmation leads to trouble.

There has I believe been evidence relatively recently that shows a sharp increase in girls wanting to be referred to gender clinics and that this very often happens after an incident of homophobic bullying, it may be something has happened at school. One very sad idea that some young people have is that if they don't 'fit in' to stereotypical sex roles, that they might 'fit in' to something else instead (being trans). FWIW I hated being a girl and wanted to be male but I got through the other side and am very much a woman. You may also be interested to see PeachYoghurt's video

moofolk · 07/06/2018 00:38

But mainly good luck and loads of love to you and your daughter.

TeenTimesTwo · 10/06/2018 19:55

After some questioning e.g. what do they think a 'boy' or a 'girl' is, / has to be, what internet sites have you been looking at, I think my messages would be something along the lines of:

  1. You are proud of them and love them whatever
  2. You can't change sex, whatever others might say
  3. Lots of teens don't like their bodies as puberty is a time of great change, generally they get used to their new 'self'
  4. You can have short hair, like football, wear trousers, like engineering etc and still be a girl
  5. Your name and sex don't define someone, what they are interested in, and their personality is what matters
    best wishes.
PassiveAgressiveQueen · 20/06/2018 15:52

I am going through this with my son, same age.

He mentioned it to us about a month ago, we had the chat about stuff and left hime to think about it, i asked him a few days ago and
It turns out he doesn't fit societies boy role, so he must be a girl.

Tippexy · 20/06/2018 15:54

Take internet and social media access away from your child.

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