Older kids bedtime

[user1494670108]

I think I know what I need to do but I'm really disappointed in my 10 & 13 yr olds tonight and probably in myself too for getting it wrong.
Bedtime is 8.30 for 10 yr old ds, he takes himself up, goes to bed, reads for a bit, we don't police him.
13 yr old dd goes at 9, same again, we've really trusted them to do what they need to. Sometimes 13 yr old is still pottering when we go up at 10.30 but that's fine.
Or so I thought.
Tonight I popped up with the ironing at 9.10 to discover the 13 yr old in the attic watching tv and the 10 yr old reading having not brushed his teeth.
So I stood over them and watched them do teeth and packed them off to bed.
They and I both felt weird with me watching them do their teeth, they're big kids now arrgghhh!
To be fair they were both pretty contrite and embarrassed but it seems that I really do have to supervise bedtimes still.
I don't usually sit down until 9 after running them around, cooking, cleaning etc etc and really struggled with the lack of downtime when their bedtimes started to get later but I thought it was all good. Apparently it isn't and I'm still on fucking duty.
I do have a DH but he's out with work tonight as he often is and there's no way he'll go up and watch over them. I'm not sure I blame him but I need them know they've brushed their bloody teeth and are where they're supposed to be. There's no tech allowed upstairs and that is one of the reasons 13 yr olds bedtime is possibly a little early, she often glued to her phone until bedtime.
Rant over thank you for listening if you're still there!

We have similar aged children. The youngest is still read to as they like it, it helps them cam down before bed. They go up at 7.45 most weeknights. By the time they’ve brushed their teeth etc and been read to, it’s usually 8.30 when we leave the room. Their bedtime is 8.30 on Friday and Saturday.

The teen is just 14 but goes up at 9.30 in the week. He doesn’t have a bedtime on Saturday and Sunday.

Have you tried having no electronics downtime for half an hour before bed if your DD is stuck to her phone?

I would sit down with them and negotiate a different bedtime. I found that this works whenever mine don’t follow the bedtime rules.
My almost 9 yo goes to bed at 8:30, reads for a bit, lights out at 9.
My 13 yo turns off screens at 9pm and he can do whatever he wants before lights are out at 10.