Advice needed - dd12 unhealthy weight thoughts

[Karid1496]

I feel totally out of my depth here and would really appreciate some advice. My Dd12 is 5'2" and weighs 5 stone. Some little punk at school is constantly being nasty to everyone. A few months ago he said the dd12 looked like a boy and that she was ugly. She is at that age where she is very self conscious and totally took it to heart (sobbed her heart out for days). He has know told her that she is fat and it's really affected her again. She has started weighing herself and been googling how to lose weight. I have told her that she is perfect the way that she is but she's having none of it, went on the NHS website to check her bmi and showed her that she was underweight but according to her they are liars. Got upset today as she was heavier than yesterday. I'm not wanting this to turn into a very unhealthy opinion of herself and would appreciate any advice anyone has. Xx

Didn’t want to read and run. No real advice for you but I would be worried too.

She weighs 5 stone????

I think your first stop is the school. If you haven't already. This type of behaviour is not on, and needs sorting asap. Is your dd very sporty, for 5'2" 5 stone seems very slender?

I think also hide the scales? And talk to her about weight and growth. If she continues I'd be gently talking to the gp as well. But get that super helpful person at school sorted first.

It's a minefield. I have a dd11.9 who is 5' and 10stone. Other end of the scale. it's very hard.

I'd be writing a letter of complaint about the boy to the school, he shouldnt be allowed to get away with bullying girls like this.
I'd take her to the nurse at the Doctors and get them to reiterate that she is not overweight.I'd just talk to her and explain that theres nothing wrong with her and that he just puts her down because hes inadequate and a coward.

My DD has anorexia which began as thoughts at this age. BMI is difficult at this age as it is dependent on puberty, body shape etc. If she has had her periods they can be a strong sign that she is underweight if they stop. Her baby record is also used as a percentile range of weight and can be more useful than BMI. School can be useful not only tackling the abuse but they may also provide emotional support. If it is the worse case scenario the knowledge is power.

Thanks everyone for your helpful comments. I spoke to her about it today but I could feel myself getting angry at the situation. I'm not sure if this is just a phase or if it's something that's gonna stay with her so I want to try and nip it in the bud now. I did think about approaching the teacher for advice but I wasn't sure if I was over worrying (I'm sooo bad for that, ha). She is very slender and tall, she's not overly sporty but she does do street dance twice a week. It's such a difficult age, it has made me so unsure as a mother. Xx

Ask for her school nurse to have a chat with her, someone in authority saying her weight is healthy etc might help.
Would also say to her you’re putting away the scales and explain why

5 stone? Is that correct? Sounds v low??

Personally I would contact the GP for a health check, they take blood and do standing and sitting blood pressure. At 5 stone she has no buffer zone and showing signs of obsession it would not take much cutting to have serious effects.

5 stone is incredibly thin at her height! My dd was what I would call slender at 7 stone and 5ft 1. I would concentrate on health and body strength and try to steer her away from thoughts about diet and weight. It's hard though I know.

That is a very low weight for her height.

I don’t think you are worrying too much OP, just looking after your DD which is the right thing to do.

I second getting rid of the scales. I’d also look at the parental controls on your WiFi and block searches on words like thin and weight. Granted that she’ll probably just use the data on her phone but at least you can take that away from her at night.

I also second the suggestions of informing the school of what’s going on and informing them what this boy has been doing.

A Mighty Girl has some resources here OP.

Braw, thank you. I'll go have a nosey. Thank you everyone. Xxx