10 year old daughter with very few friends

[newfunahead]

So my daughter is 10, she is an only child and I am a single parent. She really only has one friend at school that she plays with and is very good friends with some of my friends children of a similar age to her.

The Easter holidays have been tough as I've had to work and dd didn't want to go to any Easter clubs (she normally stays with my mum but my mum has been away). I am able to take her to work which I did but it just means we don't get any time apart.

I have been looking for clubs for her to join either classes or youth clubs.

I have found a creative writing class (she lives writing) and a youth club but she doesn't want to go to either.

I am now starting to worry as she will be starting secondary school in September and she needs to start making new friends and a social life for herself.

Do you think I should force her to go to the youth club and other classes? I think once she gets into them she will enjoy them but she's just too lazy and instead wants to sit at home watching tv or playing around.

It makes me very sad that she doesn't have a nice group of friends by now! It also makes me feel guilty as a single parent I have to work and can't take all of the holidays off and can't spend all the time socializing with other parents that have kids! Also I only have a few friends with children around dds age!

Has she done any groups previously OP or does she do any after school clubs. If you are trying to get her to start at 10 she may be a bit resistant, I think you should try though. Does her BF go to any groups or clubs that your DD could join? Once she’s started going to one, she might start others. My DD goes to Guides, is Guides or Scouts something she would consider?

My DD is the same age and doesn’t really play with friends outside of school either. At her age I was always out, but I’ve had to accept that she’s different. My “D”M was a bit of a nightmare though, so I try to take it as a compliment

She also goes to climbing, would your DD be interested in trying that?

Get her to invite friends round for tea and just get fish and chips to keep you relaxed too.

Before the kids go to senior school at the end of the holidays organise a garden party get together. Let them each bring a dish to eat of some kind ( very grown up). It will help the nerves and bonding in starting a new school. Don't forget to send the invitations before the break up of school before the long holidays. 😊

My dd has been going to the after school club at her school for years as I work, but she said she didn't enjoy it and now she's bigger I have just started letting her know all home so she doesn't have to attend the club.

I think her friend might go to a dance class, that's a good idea to try to make her join in, I will get dd to find out where the class is!

The guides groups seem to have very long lists - we live in london so most things here have a long waiting list.

Also dd can't play out as we are in london and it's just not safe to play out alone

I did suggest wall climbing to dd but she said she doesn't want to! Although the youth club I found does have a climbing wall so I guess once she is there she might try it

Paperdolly- the thing is dd really only has one friend at school! When her friend is off on holiday or sick dd spends the week alone I honestly don't know why as she has recently started getting the bus home and really enjoys traveling with the other children and they seem to get on well, I just don't know why it doesn't turn into a friendship

Could you get her to try the writing club/youth group? Just once to see if she likes it? Guides or Scouts is probably worth getting her name on a list at least.
She will probably make a wider circle of friends once she's at high school.

Some children (and adults) just prefer to have a few really good friends than a larger number of not so close friends. And some people enjoy their own company or the company of family and close friends to socialising in groups. I think you have an introvert for a daughter and you may need to accept that she doesn't enjoy big social groups.

However, I do think that she should have more things to do with her time than watching TV. After school clubs aren't great for introverts. They've been "on" all day and really need to get home and have some time to themselves. Similarly, youth clubs and other predominantly social groups can be unenjoyable. I agree with looking for "interest" groups.

Don't worry about engineering friendships before she starts secondary school. She'll have a bigger pool of possible friends there and will hopefully find one or two people who are more like her.

Well I am going to make her try both the writing club and youth club! I've already told her and she says she doesn't want to go but I am insisting she Atleast tires them

Hedda - I also only have a few really good friends and not a big group of friends so I know what it's like but as I'm a single parent I just feel in the holidays it's just me and her all the time which I feel bad about and really wish she had more friends to spend time with. When I do arrange for her couple of friends to come over who are my firn dd children she really enjoys being with them and enjoys her time and when it's time for them to leave she's like oh can't they stay longer etc.

The classes that are more like hobbies as in dance, writing etc dd says no I don't want to go so that's why I thought maybe a youth club might be less pressured. As most things I suggest she says I'm not good at that and I explain to her no one is when they start and that's the whole point of going!

I would speak to your daughter and ask if she can give it a go for a few weeks as sometimes a fear of something can stop you trying things when they could be amazing fun as I realise you already know. Perhaps agree if after four weeks she doesn’t like it you will be happy she tied. I have two children and my second is sometimes relucoto try things alone ecause they’ve always had their elder sibling with them. I have had to stand firm about dropping clubs as I regretted my own parents just allowing me to give up clubs and my children have always continued to go after the blip of not wanting to go. My eldest likes Scouts and there are girls there so if guides was full could you suggest Scouts? I wish your daughter good luck in whatever she tries, and she’s lucky to have a caring parent.

Niknac - thank you for your message! I was in a real state about it because she didn't want to do anything

I took her last night and it wasn't on! Before we went she was crying saying she didn't want to go and I said just try it. It was on tonight and again she didn't want to go but no tears this time. I took her anyway and she really enjoyed it and made 3 new friends I'm so happy for her, she wants to go back but there are two other youth clubs closer which I also want her to try so she can make friends closer to home. So I will get her to try the others and also let her go back to the one she went to tonight!

Thank you all for the support, I just really worry about her sometimes as she is an only child and I often feel bad but I think we are heading in the right direction :)

That is fantastic news, I’m really glad she liked, it will probably help her try new things in the future. She will hopefully develop skills which will be beneficial to her throughout her life and you should be proud of both of you for persevering.