12 year old - no apparent friends.

[ThousandsOfLives]

I have a 12 year old son who is in year 7. He started his new school as the only one from his primary school which hasn't helped. At primary school he had a group of friends although was never hugely popular. However since starting the secondary school, he hasn't once mentioned any names of other children and hasn't seen them at all outside school.

It doesn't help that we live across the other side of town but he knows I'm happy to drive him there or pick people up and bring them to ours. I'm forever driving my older child back and forth as she sees her friends a lot.

I'm just concerned that he's never mentioned any names of other children there. He seems to be losing touch with his old primary school friends too as obviously they are settling into their secondary schools and making new friends.

My son does a couple of clubs out of school (rugby and climbing) but he's not overly friendly with anyone there either.

He's quite socially awkward and doesn't like sport really (he'd give up rugby in a heartbeat) so he doesn't fit in with a lot of the boys at his school I'm guessing. He would be quite happy to sit at his x box or his computer all day but it's not healthy!

All school holidays are spent doing things with me and his toddler sibling which I don't mind, I like spending time with him but I really feel he needs friends of his own to do things with.

Then I wonder if I'm pushing my own insecurities onto him? He doesn't seem unhappy but will often say he's bored. I feel like I need to take him out to entertain him constantly otherwise he'll be glued to his electronics.

Do I need to worry? Am I thinking too much into it? Did anyone else's child struggle making friends?

I worry about my teen but I do think lots of boys socialise via the Xbox. DS with some of his closest friends on Friday evening and they were all pestering their parents to go home because they all wanted to play Xbox together. It’s totally different to how I socialised at that age but that’s how they are.

If he’s not so keen on the Rugby, is he doing any after school clubs? My DS is quite shy but seems to like Scouts. Has he tried it?

Would he like something like a coding club too do you think?

This is such a tough age,for them and for us as parents. I think that some kids are more outgoing than others. It's very different from when we were that age and more kids seem to be happy in their own space where they can still interact with their friends but they don't need them all the time if that makes sense. My daughter is exactly the same. Got a good group of friends but spends most of her free time at home in her room or doing family stuff. I struggled last summer holidays but was very strict about when she could have screen time and made a point of not keeping her entertained to try and encourage her to go out. I also made a big point of explaining that she needed to make an effort to go out or she would lose touch with her friends. Explained that I didn't care if she was out all the time, as long as she was trying to go out once a week. They are still young and still trying to find their tribe. It will come though. Try not to worry too much, it's easier said than done at times but aslong as they are happy the will find their way. Big hugs to you xxxx

Does he have Xbox live so he can play with his friends? My ds is year 7 and his friendships have really taken off since he started playing Fortnight with a few boys. It drives me mad and he spends far too long on it but it has helped him bond and he’s even started using public transport with some of them.

As for meeting up outside of school, I think this takes a while to happen when they join Year 7 on their own.