exclusion

[SebsPrincess]

I need some advice, really just dont know what to do with my 11yr old son. Yesterday I got a call from the school, he had been punched in the face but was ok, school investigating. Today he comes home in tears, hes being put in isolation for the day tomorrow as they believe he provoked the attack, school won't say what punishment the puncher is getting. Ok, my son is no saint and might have provoked him. (he has always been pretty honest if he's been in the wrong before) but I can give the school the benefit of the doubt, although I can't view the cctv footage and nor can my son. Tomorrow is non uniform day and he has been told he must attend in uniform. Is it just me that thinks this is wrong. Marking out he kids who don't conform or those caught up in something. Isn't it enough that they are isolated and letters home, their failings put on a board in the form room for the class to see ???

As a parent and someone who works in a school, I would be on the phone straight away asking why he has been put in isolation. If physical violence has been used, parents must be consulted. You are well within your rights as well to ask what punishment the other child is getting as well. You should not be allowing this to go ahead without the school speaking to you directly. I hope you get it sorted. x

Did you speak to the school @SebsPrincess? How are things now?

Its Just got worse. Everything was getting better, he was behaving and doing better, then I got a call today, the head of house who is lovely, he's been in another fight, they have reviewed the footage and he didn't hold back. I am now waiting for a call from the head to go in for a meeting. I sort of know the head of house and she has said it really doesn't look good. I dont know what to do, he is well behaved at home, just turns into an animal once he walks into school. I am trying so hard not to cry.

Have you talked to him yet? Can he put into words why he’s fighting and being aggressive? Have yiu got someone to go to the meeting with you for Support? Is his Dad around?

If you can get him to go, I’d really recommend martial arts classes. They are great for controlling your temper, getting fit and having good, strong role models.

We sat down with him last night, finally he told the truth about everything. I have to go to the school Monday afternoon to speak with the head teacher. I have worked out that the beahviour started just before christmas, his dad kept pulling out of days/weekends when he was meant to see him. We resolved that at the end of feb and he finally got to see his dad again (his dad had some issues, but is quite self absorbed so didn't think the constant disappointment would have an affect). I think he got in a cycle of beahviour then and just hasn't come out of it. We talked about responsibility for his actions, thinking before he acted and so on. we have taken his phone, xbox, ipad away until we see an improvement, we have given him more jobs around the house. I think he now realises how serious things are. I really hope by showing the school we are fully behind them and want to work with them will help in the meeting. He has asked about starting boxing, but I am not sure about encouraging anything physical at the moment. I have submitted an application for air cadets for him, and want to get him to volunteer for something so looking into that. My brother has also offered to have him for a few days in the holidays to help decorating and doing some building work on his house, my brother was a nightmare at his age so may have a bit of insight for him. Fingers crossed the meeting goes well

So glad you’ve had a chat and seem to be back on track again. Personally I’d let him do the boxing. If it’s anything like the boxers I used to know, they will be dead against him fighting at school and will teach him how to control himself.

IMO, I think you’re on the right track concerning holding off on allowing your son to do boxing, OP. It doesn’t sound like a good idea to have an aggressive child working through complex personal issues, only to give him the tools to hurt other children and possibly, you with greater impact and strength than he otherwise would have.

You’re doing well by working with the school and engaging to help. I hope you both get the support you need. You sound like a caring mum, exactly what your son needs

Vegemite would you say the same if he wanted to do a martial art? In my experience it’s the kids that do martial arts and boxing that are least likely to fight at school.

Everyone, absolutely. At this point in time, it doesn’t seem appropriate at all to give a child with a propensity towards violent behaviour, the opportunity to refine their moves and cause more damage. This is irrespective of whether it is boxing or martial arts. Best to hold off on both boxing or martial arts, until OP’s son has the maturity to manage his feelings and can use these tools more appropriately as an outlet release rather than as a way to possibly hurt other children and overpower OP as he may develop to be larger and stronger than her.

Perhaps your experience of boxing and martial arts is different to mine vegemite. The men and women who lead the clubs will have a zero tolerance policy on fighting outside of the club and will provide great role models for him. If the OP is worried about violence towards her, perhaps she should start a martial arts class with him?

Hi all, well we had the meeting, he has been excluded for 5 days, then we need to go back for a decision. All very upset tonight, but we'll get through it. I have absolutely no concerns over him hurting me, he only ever seems to get into trouble for protecting his friends, and never starts fights. He has admitted he went to far and has been really open with me about what happened, he saw his best friend get punched in the face and dived in. He knows he should have pulled the person away but he didn't. Can only hope that next week they look at what caused his reaction and that he really uses this time to think about it all and understand he can't do this again. He's my baby and I love him whatever.