Screen time

[mummagonemad]

Hi everyone! I was wondering if anyone would be able to help me out. I have three children, 6, 9 and 13. I'm quite concerned by the amount of time my children are spending in front of screens. My eldest has an iPhone 5, and I'd be surprised if I knew there was a type of social media she didn't have! The three of them all have DS's and play them or watch TV in the living room at every moment they can. It's becoming difficult to get them to actually read anything, as they come back with the famous phrases 'readings boring!!!'. Anyway, my biggest concern in all this is the advertisements that they are being exposed to CONSTANTLY. I've seen a lot of articles recently about how marketers are basically brainwashing children into being super-consumers for life. I've never been a materialistic person and I can already see signs of it with my kids. My 9 year old bought shocking news to me when I realised that for the new Star Wars Battlefront 2 game, the game is practically to pay-to-win. (Which is essentially just luring kids into paying money). Did anyone else experience this?? Nevermind pokemon with my youngest!! He watched the film, and now wants all the merchandise for it! I can't bloody afford it all. They'll see an advert on the Telly, and tell me things like 'but everyone else has it, and I won't be able to play with everyone if I don't get it'. See I don't want them to feel left out so I sometimes end up giving in! I was wondering if anyone else can relate to this, and how much you think it has to do with the screen time. I'd really appreciate as much info as anyone can give, especially about your own experience, as I'm really worried about it and don't want my children to end up thinking money it the key to happiness basically! Thank you very much, I'll be up for a while if anyone fancies a chat!!!!!!! :)

Currently seeing this a lot with my two 14 and 16 the more time they spend on XBOX, Snapchat, FB and all the other gizmos makes them just want the next more expensive techy thing. I can't seem to make them happy anymore with good old family time and its all about being glued to the screens and having 'just one more hour'!! Even when we spend money on expensive family holidays it's more important for them to be checked in on FB or insta scrolling away instead of enjoying the place we are in. Cant seem to find a solution to getting them off the gadgets.

I wouldn't worry about ads as much as your 13 year old asking for every form of social media! Have you set up family controls on the iPhone, I've found that useful to control (or at least, know) what apps they download and I can see search history if I wish it can't be deleted. If you have an internet ready device with no restrictions there is nothing they can't be exposed to.
With us it's an Xbox world, and the requests for money to buy extras is driving me insane. I think I could go away for a week, leave snacks and spare batteries for the controller, and he wouldn't care.

Hi JackSalmon68. Thank you so much for your message. Means a lot. Yes I couldn't agree more with the need for new expensive gadgets! I wonder if that comes from the ads on the social media. My eldest follows loads of 'Facebook' and 'Instagram' famous people that she tells me about - Tammy something or other and she always shows me these photos of deals going on because the famous people advertise it with codes and stuff. I find it all a bit unfair, targeting young people who may have insecurities etc. Yes!! Again with the family time, we will sit down for dinner and the phone will be out on the table, or worst still they want to watch TV in the living room without me (I don't particularly like sitting in the living room when I eat, so only let them do this occasionally).

Hi Garmadonsmum. Thanks for your reply, really helpful. I didn't even realise you could do this 'family control'. How does it work? I worry that this still does not prevent the overload of advertisement appearing on social media. This is true what you say about an internet ready device having no restrictions. I certainly won't be handing this access over to my younger ones any time soon. I already feel they are being manipulated by advertisers and marketers simply by the movies they watch, and adverts. In Tescos the amount of characters from their favourite films that appear is crazy! My youngest wanted me to buy banana flavoured cereal the other day, because it had minions on it, and he doesn't even like bloody bananas!!!!! Hahahahha the final sentence made me chuckle, despite how true it is and how much I feel I can relate to it.. Very concerning

I find that finding things to do works better than telling them what NOT to do. Keep them busy.
I take my kids to the library every three weeks and let them walk around and read for an hour or so. We always leave with 5-10 books.
We turn off screens an hour before bedtime and almost inevitably they pick up a book when they get bored.
Also my kids practise their instruments and a couple of sports, so a some evenings are busy with that.
Then they have their responsibilities around the house which takes some of their time.
When they spend too much time inside I just send them to play outside for a bit. Dd 8 has a couple of friends on our street and just knocks on their doors and asks if they want to play. No screens allowed when she has friends over, they have to find a way to occupy themselves.
I’ve been more lax with ds 13 for the past year or so because I think it’s time for him to manage his free time as he wishes. As long as he attends his extracurriculars, has good sleep habits and spends time with friends and family, I have to let go.
It would be difficult to have the same rules for a 6 y/o as for a 13 y/o.

support.apple.com/en-gb/HT201304
The link above deals with restrictions on an iPhone.
There is also the option of linking their phone with your apple device (if you have one) when you'd have more input - family sharing.
support.apple.com/en-gb/HT201060

Hi Audree. Wow yes thank you for reminding me! We haven't been to the local library for a little while now. Good point again with turning off screens, I will do this. Yes my kids have all had a go at learning an instrument but only my eldest has stuck to it and does enjoy having a go on her guitar every day! I tried getting my younger ones to stick at it, but they again prefer the DS atm.. Unfortunately we live in a fairly remote area so this immediate access to fun nearby the house is harder for my children, but I like what you have said about turning screens off when friends are over!!!! I really appreciate all the advise - really helpful. If you have any more tips you think of/anyone else, please do let me know!!!

Oh thank you Gardadonsmum! I'll have a look at it ..

I would suggest you choose one thing to implement at a time. If you want to go with parental control, do it and let them get used to it for a while. Then move on to something else.
As for advertisements, I can say we don’t have this problem as my kids get an allowance (my 13 yo gets more money than my 8 yo) and if they really want something they have to save for it. My 13 yo is into video games but it usually takes several months before he gets a new game because he buys them with his own money.

I honestly don’t mean to sound unsympathetic, but I think you need to get tough. Harder with your older one - I don’t have a teen yet, so haven’t had to deal with that stage yet! - but your younger two are young enough for you to be in charge. Just take the screens away! I don’t mean totally, but have strict limits. At weekends, we allow an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening. Screens at other times are only allowed either for homework or on our terms - eg on a rainy Sunday afternoon I might suggest we watch a family film together. And absolutely no screens at the table, including for the 13 year old. You say they’re not interested in other activities, but there’s nothing like a bit of boredom to help with that. My older boy (same age as your middle one) would also do nothing else if he was allowed free access to a screen.

I can't seem to make them happy anymore with some good old family time

This rings so true with me. DS2 age 11 would quite happily stay on the ps4/iPad ALL day and have me feed him his meals in the computer room! He would never ask to do anything else!

Yesterday (school snow day) I told the DCs we were going to play Cluedo, which we did and enjoyed it but, as soon as the game was over, off he rushed back to the gadgets.

DD age 9 isn't quite so obsessed and with her it's more watching TV shows on her iPad.

I think, for me, it's the fact that the screens would always come first in terms of recreation at home.......maybe it's just a sign of the times?

Perhaps, when I was growing up, my parents had the same worries re the television?!

We had DSS this weekend, and he spent every moment he was in the house either on Fortnite or watching YouTube videos on his phone. I seriously think it's addictive.
He only broke off to eat, and have a shower (which much persuasion, and after 3days unwashed)

This is proving a headache for me too. I am currently heavily pregnant with dc3 and unfortunately have been relying a lot on screens because I haven't been feeling well and I have been feeling guilty about this.

In the school holidays, I always insist on dragging the dcs out somewhere so their screen time is limited - if I didn't make the effort then it would be screens all the way particularly with dc1 (11). To make matters worse dc has also stopped a couple of outside activities - guides etc. She does enjoy horse riding though she does more of it in the Summer with friends etc. (she doesn't have her own horse so not an easily accessible hobby).

I am hoping it is just a phase and once I'm back on my feet, I will be taking steps to rectify this a bit more - more time in the park with dc2 for one thing.

Our rules are:

Screen time only at the weekend
And only after 5pm (until dinner time)
And only if they have done homework, music practice, chores
And they can lose it as a punishment

The older ones need it for homework during the week but their internet goes off automatically at a certain time.

If we allowed even a little screen time during the week, they would complain once it was over because nothing else is as exciting. This way it is not even an option so they have to do other things.