Year 8 daughter struggling to make friends

[suttygirl68]

Hi, Just wondering if anyone's currently in the same boat as me at the moment? My daughter's 12, in year 8 and struggling with low mood, depression has been mentioned by the GP but I hate to label her, just giving her loads of time and patience, love and support, hoping we can get through this without going down that route. It all began middle of year 7, she lost 2 of her primary friends into a "popular group", the main girl picking out both her friends and not including her. She began spending more time in her room, not wanting to go out, bit moody. I assumed this was the effects of puberty and this was what to expect. She found it so hard to talk about it, so as year 8 began and her anxieties grew she finally started opening up, she had no friends despite trying to interact, no one spoke to her or encouraged her to join them. She was eating her lunch in the toilets or not at all and spending lunchtime in the library.
She had been replaced by the popular girl and saw sleepovers on social media which she wasn't invited. She has one close friend at another local school so hopefully a move will go ahead soon but with that decision comes greater anxieties of not fitting in, being bullied etc. Just seems relentless at the moment for her. Recent GP visit also highlighted her thoughts of self harm to which we are now waiting counselling. I'm now unsure if it's her and she has difficulties making friends due to social awkwardness/ anxiety or it's developed over this time due to the treatment of the other girls, now resulting in a lack of self worth and she now assumes she is weird because she doesn't "fit in"? She is the youngest out of her year and enjoys quite "young" activities, thankfully, whereas the "popular girls" dress quite grown up, make up, tight clothing, into boys etc. One positive for her she is in higher academic sets, but with this still ongoing I'm fearful her work maybe affected and more importantly damaging to her future mental health. Has anyone been through a similar experience and come through the other side? Your advice would be greatly appreciated, it's just heart breaking.

[EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic]

depression has been mentioned by the GP but I hate to label her. What are you concerned about if she is depressed OP?

This Book might help with the thoughts of self harm.

Have you spoken to the school too?

[Icantfindausername]

I struggled a lot at school to fit in as I was painfully shy and my friends left me out a lot.
I still tried to fit in and I wouldn't talk to my mum about it I just battled it myself.
Things got better for me in year 9 when I got to know a good friend and we really hit it off (still best friends now) and then when I started college I came out of my shell a bit.
I know it's easy for me to say but I think it's just a case of being there for her, encouragement of positive friendships. Taking them to cinema and pick them up bowling etc and hopefully she'll just find her way. Tell her yo stay away from so called friends and try and make new friends. It's such a worrying time but I'm sure she'll come out the other side with no problems as she has your love and support and although she might not show it in her stroppy teenage years that will mean so much to her, thinking of you and hope things improve for her soon xxx

[mumzuki]

Your poor DD - that must be very difficult for her, and for you. Has she generally found it tricky to make friends, or is it just the current situation that is causing the problems? Hiding herself away isn't going to help her to socialise more - the library sounds like a better option. Is there a librarian? Have you talked to DD's form tutor?

It sounds like she needs some support with managing the unstructured bits of the day - are there any clubs or activities that happen at break or lunch time? If she had specific activities to do alongside other kids, that might help to break down social barriers. How about asking her form tutor if it's possible for her to assign your DD and another one or two nice kids a display board to redesign, or some kind of admin type task to do together - is that something you'd feel able to do?

[VileyRose]

Same issue here. Girls are so nasty :(