Terrified of daughter experiencing what I did.

[Islingtonmummyof3]

Hi Everyone,

I hardly ever post anything on threads as I've either been in denial that I need help or advice with this or I've literally only just realised.

Basically, without going in to detail, as a 'teen', there are a number of incidents that happened, some smaller issues than others, where I was violated in sexual ways. There as a time I was on a bus and I engaged in conversation with a much much older man because he was talking to me about general things and I thought "it's only talking, no harm" but as he got off the bus he planted a big wet gross kiss on my lips and sprinted off. It was very obvious I was not of a grown age. I was a child. I literally sat there shaking going through what had happened till I got off the bus and went home. Where I never mentioned it to anyone. Another time, I was walking through a street that has a few flats and green areas. A group of young men, older than me, surrounded me, saying all the usual "yo,u got a man? Lemme see you" bla bla bla... Again,I stood there, not wanting to be confrontational so I pretended I was 'street' and cool with them but they were too close. One of them touched me down below.. for a while. I just stood there. Knowing it would stop. "It's not that bad, I'll go in a min" literally, I just put up with it to act cool or not cause anything 'worse' to happen.

I know this all sounds ridiculous,my insides are screaming at me telling me why would you even think like that? But it's what happened and I haven't spoken about those times or other times to any one. However, I find myself struggling so much as my 10 year old daughter is starting to want to go to the shop with her friends. It is round the corner from our home, no roads to cross. She has a phone which I really didn't want her to have but hey, she's got one. So I tell her to hide her phone and let me know if ANYTHING changes or happens. She's always been so good and honest with me I talk to her a lot! However,today she went to the shop but went the back way home. This is through a dark narrow street with works happening so hardly any one goes there. I phoned her to see what was talking so long and I absolutely FLIPPED when she told me. I realised it's because that small moment that something can happen, you can't take back. You can't pause and rewind. I don't want my beautiful innocent daughter to go through any thing remotely similar to what I did. She's a quiet, sweet girl (no me being biased) she just is.

I'm afraid. I really really am. Please help me.

Thank you

I have to say I hate the idea of a 10yo out on their own. They are so vulnerable and make bad decisions. Your dd made a bad decision by taking the dark narrow street, indicating that she is too young to go out on her own. It will be unpopular on MN though.

This is really tricky. DD (11) is starting to go further afield. She's been going to the corner shop on a busy street for a long time but now she's starting to walk to friends' houses. It's all busy streets but we all know what can happen. I just have to brief her as much as I can (although she doesn't really appreciate what it is that could happen). I've told her if anyone starts talking to her they are not a good person because adults (men, frankly) don't need to chat with 11 year olds on their own or ask them directions or engage with them in any way.

Since she'll be making her own way to school and back from September I have to prepare her. It is nerve wracking though.

@rcit you make a good point. Her decision has shown me that even though she may be able to talk to me and say she understands why it's not a good idea, she is unable to put it into practice. Thank you.

@backingvocals Well done for going through it all so far your DD is doing well so far so good job! Xx

Backing vocals same here daughter 11 starts secondary in September. So we are letting her walk home from school a couple of days a week to give her more independence in preparation. But I hate it. I really worry about keeping our sweet girl safe. She has a cheap payg phone so she can contact us but it does make me so nervous.

I completely agree

What worries me the most is I never told anyone. Humiliated? Resigned to it? Worried I’d be kept in? I don’t know. But the idea that my daughter could be sexually assulted and not tell me is heartbreaking