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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Setting boundaries for pre-teen

3 replies

AJ65 · 08/01/2018 18:05

My daughter is 11 and starting to exercise her independence. This feels quite sudden as she was not particularly interested in being independent at primary school. eg she insisted on being walked to and from school after most of her peers were walking home alone and was always happy that I said I'd walk her to and from school for as long as she wanted me to.

Of course that changed when she started secondary and she now barely tolerates me walking with her part way to school - I'm going that way anyway - and walks home alone.

A couple of times she's not come home straight after school and today texted to say she was with friends and would be home later. I guess this is fine, but what boundaries do other parents set? Should I insist that she's home by a certain time? Should I be happy she's texting to say where she is?

As mothers/daughters go I'd say we were pretty close and I believe her to be honest and open in her communication with me, but I'm just finding this all a bit sudden - she's only 11!!

OP posts:
SheRasBra · 08/01/2018 18:09

We always said to our DC that they must text us before they go off anywhere or to say they were delayed so we wouldn't worry. You might have made an arrangement for after school that they didn't know about.

I wouldn't worry about being quite firm on this. If you are expecting her straight home after school then she should text you at home time to ask if it's ok to stop off somewhere else first.

AJ65 · 08/01/2018 18:13

Thanks SheRasBra - I don't want to 'cramp her style' but is alarming to have her out in the world when I'm used to knowing where she is every minute of every day!! TBH - she has my old iPhone so, as long as she's charged it, I can check where she is!

OP posts:
namechangedtoday15 · 08/01/2018 18:13

No I wouldn't allow that. Have 12 yr old twins (at different schools) and they have to text or call to ask if they can do something other than come straight home. If they want to go to a friends/ Costa / shop then they can but know they need to ask in advance and just a general 'wandering around' or hanging around isn't allowed.

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