This evening my 12yo son, in the latest of very frequently occurring incidents, punched me square in the nose causing it to pour blood, before continuing to find things around the house (broom handles etc) to hit us with or throw at us with the clear intention of hurting me and my husband. Scarcely a week goes by without this kind of thing happening two or three times a week. He’s punched me in the kidneys and stomach several times before but this is the first time he’s given me a bloody nose. He’s punch3 my husband previously and given him a black eye.
There’s a long back story to this, basically around escalating, instant outbursts over the last few years when things don’t go his way. His junior school referred him to CAMHS a few years ago on suspicion of Asperger’s but after one appointment they reported no indicators. As his behaviour has continued to become more extreme, it’s also become very much focused at home. At school there is pretty consistent disruptive behaviour, lack of respect for classroom ‘etiquette’ (my description - not sure quite how to describe what ‘normal’ attentiveness and respect for a teacher is) and lack of application, and he is consistently regarded as quite immature for his age, but little of concern beyond that and certainly no physical aggression.
We have made several different attempts through different routes (GP, further school referrals, direct requests) to seek further CAMHS support but been knocked back every time. We have also tried a few other forms of private counselling but none ‘gelled’. I also think he is very skilled at saying what he thinks people want to hear. He’s very bright.
The extreme reactions, which are increasingly physical and aggressive in nature, now only happen at home and are accompanied by fowl language and deeply upsetting insults to me and my husband. When in full flow he resists being sent to his room and, if we take him there, he follows us back out (often kicking or punching us in the back as we walk away). If he’s not physically aggressive he ‘needles’ at us and goes around whatever room we are in, picking up and threatening to (or actually) break ornaments etc or damage furniture.
We are consistent in our response - there is always a consequence for these outbursts (usually gaming/tech ban), we try to ignore as much as possible the ‘needling’, we have always used positive reinforcement to focus on and encourage good behaviours. But still we are walking on eggshells every day because one word or decision could trigger these attacks.
Bluntly, it feels like bullying.
I don’t really know where we can look for further external help. From what I can establish there aren’t really any support groups or charities that seem to publish that they provide support to parents dealing with this kind of behaviour. So I’m on here because I just want to see if there any other parents going through this kind of thing and I couldn’t see any existing, recent threads or more directly relevant boards. Would appreciate any signposting.