12 yr old with large pot belly

[Storminateacup74]

Hi my DD is 12 and I think is going to have weight issues. She was a big baby and has always been bigger than her peers and has always had a pot belly which instead of disappearing as she got older has grown. Anything to do with weight watching is alien to me as I have never had an issue with weight.

We eat relatively healthily she was breastfed until she was 2 and we have proper cooked meal at night a normal lunchbox, maybe a couple of biscuits after school. Fizzy drinks only on special occasions. Her brother is the other opposite no belly and his trousers fall down.

She isn't sporty although i try to encourage her to keep fit but this getting harder because all she wants to do is be on her phone. Generally we are a very active family and we are always on the go.

Unfortunately for her all her friends are stick thin with washboard tummies. She absolutely loves wearing belly tops and because of her size/body shape they look hideous. I hate seeing her looking like this when she wears normal clothes it isn't so bad but she sticks out like a sore thumb amongst her peers. I have had to tell her that she doesn't look good in these tops because she is a little bit bigger than all her friends but she thinks she looks ok and doesn't worry. Other members of the family are picking up on it now and saying she is fat although she isn't fat she just has a different body shape to everyone around her. My husband's mum and sisters and their children are all the same shape she obviously got it from this side of the family.

I don't want her to be bullied because she wears the wrong clothes for her body shape. As i said before I have never had to diet or do any type of calorie watching but have now started to cut down sugar and fat for the whole family although we eat relatively healthily anyway. Obviously now she also walks too and from school independently and sometimes pops into the shop. Some of her friends spend £2 + on sweets and drinks and I have told her she can't do this but she still does because she doesn't care . She is well within her BMI but just looks so much bigger than everyone else. She wears age 13-14 clothes.

I don't know how to help her watch her weight and eat healthily without saying derragatory comments to her or is this just normal for a 12 yr old and where she is surrounded by stick thin friends and family does she stand out.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

Is it just a bloated belly?
That could be a medical issue rather then weight

Also you need to stop and reevaluate how you are communicating with her. It sounds like you're sending the wrong message and could alienate her and damage her self esteem.

If she isn't worried then stop projecting your negativity on her, let her be, if she ends up self conscious it will be from you fussing

I didn't mean that to sound as harsh as it came across

My DD has a friend who, I suppose, fits your description. Her mum keeps her active and focusses on body confidence. Yes, the pal sometimes hits the wrong note on clothes but she is still a kid.
The only thing I've noticed is that her appetite is bigger than dd's. But she's taller so it's to be expected.
Active and with a great diet - the rest will fall into place. Keep plugging away.
Guides?

Oh my god please stop and think about what you are saying to her. You just can't tell a girl of that age she is bigger than her freinds and doesn't look good in her clothes fgs. Why would you do that? You are encouraging a serious problem with her weight.

I wouldn't even be worried about this, she is a 12yo kid with a mainly healthy diet, surely that's what's important. She is happy, leave her be.

I'd go to the GP. A friend of mine's GF had a pot belly as a teenager and eventually a Dr sent her for a scan and they discovered a huge growth (benign) which had to be removed.

Has she started her periods? My dd grew outwards at 11 then took a mad stretch almost waking up one morning taller with boobs then shortly after periods, it happened really quickly!

Stop giving her money, for a start!
Can you cut back on sugar for dental health reasons? That way she isn't embarrassed.

My first thought was gluten intolerance.

Agree you need to be careful on your wording to your DD, don't give her issues about it.

If she has a big belly, but is slim elsewhere, she could be intolerant to something. I’m intolerant to gluten and dairy. After a carbonara, I look pregnant lol.

I would not be telling her that she looks bad, though, you could seriously damage her confidence!

Just wanted to come and give the POV of the “fat” kid. My Mum is a waifish size 8 even now in her 60s with no boobs and a proper model figure, Dad super sporty and sister has my Mums figure. I was very different body shape even as a kid and never sporty- always had a belly was about a foot taller than my peers with clown sized feet and then when puberty hit bad massive boobs (properly insanely huge GG beasts at 12).

My parents never explicitly called me a fat cow- they’re very lovely and not at all unpleasant or cruel so never would have and I’ve not come here to slag them off- but from an early age it was very clear to me that they were concerned I was a chubster. I grew up very aware of that general feeling and it has made me very self conscious at various points in my life.

Looking back I was never fat I am just a really different body type to my family (Dad is adopted so my guess is I get my huge boobs and huge feet from his birth family).

So, in short, be very careful about projecting your feelings about your daughters perceived physical flaws onto her. Even if you don’t think she knows, she knows!

How is her posture? Does she stand tall or slouch? If she's a sloucher try ballet or horse riding.

Maybe she would have to be interested in ballet or horse riding? You can't just demand a child takes up an activity because you think her posture makes her look big

She is 12 years old - let her be

I'm sorry but it sounds as thou you are more concerned about family members comments than anything else. Your daughter is ok with how she is and as you said, she is well within her BMI so is not overweight! Let her be a child and decide for herself when she is older if she wants to lose some weight. Could just be puppy fat anyway!

Just made an account to write this: please read Ellyn Satter: “Your Child’s Weight”.
The surest way to create weight problems in kids is by attempting “weight management “.
This is her website: www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/how-to-feed/childhood-feeding-problems/#the-overweight-child
Hope it helps.

So, she's a healthy weight, but her body shape doesn't look stick thin.

I think you're right. She probably will go onto have weight issues - she has a parent who is criticizing her body shape even though she's completely healthy, just not stick thin like her friends.

If she can happily wear such clothing around others who conform to conventional beauty standards and not give a damn, I can think of a lot of teens and adults who could do with her advice on body confidence!

Tbh, I'd celebrate her specifically for not caring. Your daughter has guts. She sounds awesome. I think you should note her confidence, rather than notice just how she isn't conforming to narrow beauty standards which are unreasonable anyway.

If she just has a pot belly rather than being large all over that isn't normal.

Babies and Toddlers have pot bellies but by 12 it should be long gone

I know it's very difficult to discuss weight and body shape with girls of this age without making them feel really self conscious. But I do think a trip to the GP might be helpful.
As others have said, an intolerance can cause bloating. I look pregnant if I consume dairy