My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Preteens

WYOO. .. please help.

8 replies

Zacsmum08 · 21/09/2017 19:17

Hi
Me and OH are disagreeing on this so need others opinions.

My son is the 'cool' kid in the class (yr 5). It's a small church school and my son is a people person. He is the leader of the pack and all the kids love hI'm. .. he is very funny and charming. Thing is ... he is also selfish and can be nasty. If he decides he doesn't like someone the rest follow suit. It's never been too much of an issue although I have needed to talk to him a few times about the way he treats his friends.

There is a new girl in the class, a refugee. Her parents don't speak English and no one plays with her. She invited him to her party but he refused to gone. When I dug deeper it came out that no one is going and the whole class laughs at her because she is a 'baby' who still likes Paw Patrol and acts like she is 6. (She may have a learning difficulty, not sure, or maybe it's just because she is from a very different culture).

Anyway long story short I think we should force him to go, I tried to bribe him with a treat if he went but he is still refusing. I've tried explaining that he should do this nice thing for her but he is having none of it. He says it will ruin his image and the rest will mock him. I've explained that if he goes then others might follow bit nope. He is a naturally selfish person, always has been... something I am trying to work on. This is one of the reasons why I think he has to go, he needs to learn about being nice to others even when it doesn't benefit you. Another reason is because I was the outcast at school and knows how this little girl must feel.
My OH was the cool kid at school so has a different opunion. He says we shouldn't force it as it could be too embarrassing for my son ano may result in him being teased and loosing his 'cool' popularity.

So what do you all think? Do we force him to go or let him miss it? He burst into tears when I explained he might have to go. I don't want to hurt my son but surely there is a valuable life lesson for him to learn here about being nice to others.

Thanks

OP posts:
Zacsmum08 · 21/09/2017 19:35

Forgot to say he is 10

OP posts:
Joinourclub · 21/09/2017 19:43

The thought of nobody going to that girls party is just heartbreaking.

I think he needs teaching a little compassion. He doesn't need to become her friend, but he does need to become a decent classmate.

I'd be speaking to his teacher. Something is wrong in that school if she is being ostracised.

Joinourclub · 21/09/2017 19:45

I'd also ask how are the church school community treating this girls parents? Are they being ignored too?

flumpybear · 21/09/2017 19:48

I'm afraid your son is what most people dread happens to their own kid at school - he's popular but can bully or entice bullying behaviour from others

There's a film on Netflix at the moment, I forget what it's called but his behaviour is similar to the ring leader of that group of girls and I'm afraid the fall out isn't good

That slant to his behaviour needs attention

And yes I'd be making sure he made that poor little girl who has probably been through a bloody horrific experience or more than one probably that he will do his bit to try to help her - it's absolutely heart breaking to read and needs stamping out

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 23/09/2017 11:17

Your son needs teaching that being popular does not mean you can bully others and make your friends bully others too. If my DC behaved like your son does, I'd be horrified.

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 23/09/2017 12:32

You and your husband should be mortified. Your sons actions, behaviour and mannerisms - at just 10 years old - are all down to you. What on earth kind of example have you been setting him. That poor girl.

Coffeetasteslikeshit · 23/09/2017 12:41

I would do my best to get him to go. Why did he burst into tears btw? Is he maybe not as confident as he makes out?

I would tell your DH that being teased because he's not acting as cool as normal is not the end of the world and nothing compared to what that poor girl has been through. Your DS should be able to cope with some teasing, as the coolest kid in his class surely?

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 23/09/2017 13:51

Does your DH put pressure on him or encourage him to be popular?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.