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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Original poster

When to tell child about santa?

19 replies

Pinklemonade16 · 07/09/2017 13:13

Hi all my DS is 10 years old, 11 next march. He asked me last Christmas if Santa was real or not, and that kids in his class said their parents told them he wasn't. I kind of avoided the question. Now with Christmas coming up again I'm not sure what to do if he asks me again? He will be starting secondary school this time next year and wouldn't want him being teased. Any advice or experience please TIA

OP posts:

SerfTerf · 07/09/2017 13:16

I think he probably knows. Certainly at the point at you dodged the question if not sooner

Istoletherainbow · 07/09/2017 13:16

Hmm I'm not sure what you're getting at....

Istoletherainbow · 07/09/2017 13:17

Haha actually have this exact dilemma this year. Went with it last year, but have said this year that a talk will need go be had

Istoletherainbow · 07/09/2017 13:18

*to be had

Boatmistress17 · 07/09/2017 13:19

Dd 10+dd 11just been told tooth fairy is me!! Dd 10 said she knew for ages - despite having me write humongous long winded replies to all sorts of crap she leaves out for the tooth fairy!! She declares she knows Santa ain't either but will deny all knowledge of such an untruth until maybe next year or she will wind ds 8 up!!

Ttbb · 07/09/2017 13:22

I misread that a Satan, had to do a double take. Learning that Santa is not real is an excellent learning opportunity. If he asks again ask him what he thinks? Let him work it out for himself. Santa travels the who earth in one night stopping to give presents on a flying sleigh pulled by magical reindeer. I'm sure that he can work it out.

WhyOhWine · 07/09/2017 13:26

My 13yo still likes to pretend. I have never formally told her, but equally once i knew she suspected I avoided direct lies. it is extremely obvious that she knows but still enjoys trying to directly catch me out!

Scoobydoobydont · 07/09/2017 13:27

10/11 is nearly secondary school. They must have done enough learning at school to have figured it out by now even if no one has already told them.

I would hazard a guess any kid that she is winding you up. If not they need telling before they have the conversation with kids at school and become the butt of all their jokes.

Rinkydinkypink · 07/09/2017 13:27

Lol neither confirm or deny!

PrincessWonderRabbit · 07/09/2017 13:29

I think if he asked you directly at ten you really should have told him.

Original poster

Pinklemonade16 · 07/09/2017 13:30

Yes well I think he has an idea. I just know he will be persistent in getting a definite answer out of me. I was devastated when I found out as a child, couldn't believe my mum lied to me for all them years LOL

OP posts:

PoisonousSmurf · 07/09/2017 13:31

Never ever tell! But leave clues. Our DDs worked it out for themselves when they noticed the wrapping paper was the same as the stuff from 'Santa'.

SerfTerf · 07/09/2017 13:35

I think when they ask you straight, that's your cue to fess up that FC is myth and folklore maintained for children.

Being old enough to know the difference between fact and mythology is a rite of passage. Think of it like that.

Abetes · 07/09/2017 13:36

I told my ds when he was in year 6 without him asking me as I thought he was old enough. He definitely already knew deep down but he burst into tears and accused me of spoiling the fun, said that he hadn't wanted to know and that he wished I hadn't told him. You never know how they will react!!!!

SpringBreak · 07/09/2017 13:41

oh god I just had this conversation with my 10 year old. I was ok until the point of being asked to swear on my life, at which point I totally hedged and said that Santa is as real as you want him to be so for those poor children who don't believe in him they don't get the joy from him. That seemed to work but it's not gone away. I'd like to get through one more CHristmas and then destroy it all before starting secondary school

TeenTimesTwo · 11/09/2017 21:56

We never told DD2 that Santa was real. But other people did.
We just said things like 'if your stocking is full Dad will bring it upstairs'.
We broke it all to her ~10 by first making it very clear over time that DH was the tooth fairy, and then moved on from that.
At 13 now, (& young for her age) she is still quite sad that he isn't real.
She also doesn't want to believe that unicorns aren't real...

bonbonours · 23/09/2017 20:51

I don't think there's a need to do a big reveal. Some kids that age will have worked it out, some will be told by friends, some will have an inkling but still want to cling onto belief, some will be happy to play along even though they know it's not true (especially if they have younger siblings). I don't remember ever being too old for Santa, we still got stockings as teenagers. Obviously there was a point when I knew but I don't remember it being a big sudden horrible moment of truth, more of a gradual realisation. My 11 year old has never exactly said she doesn't believe, and we have never said anything but I'm pretty sure she knows. When she asked me once I said, "If you believe then he exists" which I think is pretty much true. Why spoil their joy if they really do believe?

Karen333 · 10/10/2017 01:58

My DD is 10 and I'm wondering whether I should tell her the truth.

She admitted the other day that she realised the tooth fairy wasn't real because she saw Daddy leave a coin after she had woken up and said that her tooth was still there. It was her very last baby tooth so we nearly made it to the end (I was actually annoyed that he did that and ruined it on the last tooth!)

Now she is asking about santa and I have dropped a few hints. She says her friends at school said last year santa wasn't real and she said he was and she would video him to prove it! Hopefully she won't try that!

I might try to hold on until after this xmas and then tell her.

Angj · 12/10/2017 16:11

DD 10yr has always clapped her hands together at times when excited or using her imagination. She's told me recently wants to stop as embarrassed by it. I've looked up stimming as assuming that's what you'd call it. Thinking of suggesting to her she does something more discreet with her hands or holding together. Anyone any experience of this and any suggestions on how to tackle this?

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