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Preteens

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Original poster

Ten year old horror sleepover situation!

13 replies

GinLoverSharon · 22/08/2017 01:23

My DS is ten years old and is in year 6 going onto year 7. He wants to go for a sleepover with a boy in his class, however I'm in two minds. Hmm
I've seen the boys mother picking him up in the playground a few times, she's often late and leaves the poor boy waiting while everyone else gets picked up on time. Also, she's often ungroomed, wearing pj's and smoking in front of all the children when she is on time. I know being a full time mum is stressful! But none of the other mums associate with her and I'm concerned that if I agree one thing could lead to another and in a couple weeks I'll be doing the school run for both! Sad
The little boy always looks so sad waiting for his mum and I'm sure he's lovely and I wouldn't discourage my DS to not associate with him.
Am I being to harsh with my judgement? [humm]

HELP MUMS!

Gin Gin Gin

OP posts:
juliechampagne · 22/08/2017 01:30

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Original poster
GinLoverSharon · 22/08/2017 01:34

@juliechampagne I'll suggest having the boy here for tea first, and see if she's late or whatnot then. I've never seen her with a male, but there's been plenty of times I've left before she's got there! Shock
Thanks for the promp reply! LOL xxx

OP posts:
Marcipex · 22/08/2017 01:35

I wouldn't let my DS go there, if it's as it sounds, but I would invite the child to your house instead.

Isadora2007 · 22/08/2017 01:49

I would invite him to mine for a sleepover. I wouldn't let my child go there.
And would doing the school run for both be that bad if you're around anyway?

Rainbowqueeen · 22/08/2017 01:52

You'll only end up doing the school run for both if you agree to it. You seem very clear that it wouldnt work for you so just practice some responses in case she does ask.

And yes I would try having him over for tea first. I think most parents would not expect to go straight into sleepovers at that age without having a play date first

Original poster
GinLoverSharon · 22/08/2017 02:00

@Marcipex and @Isadora2007 Yes I think I'll have him over mine first, it's not the boys fault and I don't want either of them to think I dislike the boy or his mother. This is just a general impression of her! Also I wouldn't want her to be late dropping him around mine or for him to not be ready when I pick him up, causing my DS to be late also!

@Rainbowqueeen Do you have any suggestions for just in case? I don't want to seem confrontational with her. She looks like a feisty one! Smile

OP posts:
4691IrradiatedHaggis · 22/08/2017 02:12

none of the other mums associate with her and I'm concerned that if I agree one thing could lead to another and in a couple weeks I'll be doing the school run for both!

Eh? How can your 10 year old going on one sleepover impact on doing future school runs? Confused

Original poster
GinLoverSharon · 22/08/2017 02:18

@4691IrradiatedHaggis I'm suggesting the idea that if the two become close and see a lot of each other, I'll be forced to spend time with the mother and I'm worried that I'll be used to do the tasks she isn't capable of doing.

OP posts:
Isadora2007 · 22/08/2017 02:25

My ds seemed to have a tendency to choose friends with not-great parents. So one friend spent a lot of time between the ages of 8-10 here at ours. His dad wasn't with the mum and knew how scatty she was so he was very pleased Joan son could spend time here. In fact the dad paid me son money for food one holiday as his son had spent it at ours. This lad even had his birthday one year here.
Then in DSs teenage years he had a similarly friend whose mum was on:off drugs and so he literally spend most of his time here. Even staying for school nights as I washed his uniform for him and bought new underwear etc.

Sometimes we can make a difference to a child's life... and it's totally worth any "hassle" as it's not their fault their parents have chaotic lives is it?

Isadora2007 · 22/08/2017 02:25

And age 10 I'd not expect to spend any time with a child's parent...

DonkeyOil · 22/08/2017 02:30

Tbh, I think it's a bit of a leap from your ds going to a sleepover at her house, to her using you 'to do the tasks she isn't capable of doing'! I think you're catastrophising just a bit! You may actually hit it off with her, you never know Smile

Italiangreyhound · 22/08/2017 02:47

Agree with juliechampagne and others, play dates first.

And if you do not want him to go there, just ask him to come to you.

"I don't want to seem confrontational with her. She looks like a feisty one!" It's not confountational to say no, or not now, and it's not confruntational to suggest her son comes to yuo. Just don't say it's because you wear pyjamas or anything!! (I know you won't). If you do feel a situation is confrontational I ind lots of smiling and just saying the same stuff may be better than trying to talk your way out of it ... EG "I;d prefer it if your son came here." Or "I don;t think ds is ready for sleep overs."

She can't argue with your opinion.

bakesaleLoser · 22/08/2017 14:10

I don't feel like if your DS did stay over that it would justify you doing the school run surely? Just make sure there is a clear link of communication between you and the boys mother. I definitely would agree with the others and say you should arrange a day where he can come over your home for dinner and then go back later.

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