Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Flip

Original poster

12 year old daughter - Is your daughter like mine?

16 replies

mumma24 · 30/07/2017 10:44

my 12 year old daughter hardly ever wants to go out with us and would rather be at home in her room on her own. (She's usually on YouTube, playing games or writing/drawing. If we suggest a walk, trip to the beach, adventure park with high ropes zips etc, she's not interested. She does like to go shopping and does meet up with friends occasionally and she has a best friend over for sleepovers etc. Today we suggested the hot air balloon festival but she doesn't want to go and would rather stay at home with older siblings. I know this is typical of an older teenager but she's only 12. Should I let us stay at home or insist she comes out and have a break/bit of exercise/fresh air. She also no longer goes on our trampoline, roller skates or rides her bike. Maybe she's just growing up and too old for these things. I know her friends of a similar age are still doing and I can't get her to join any clubs or after school activities

OP posts:

Shad0w87 · 30/07/2017 18:07

We are going through similar with our 11 (almost 12) year old boy. He will go out on his bike with friends to play football on the park etc but no longer interested in days out with us. He is an only child so when we need to go out somewhere we won't leave him home alone unless we are going to be less than half an hour. He use to love going to the beach, days out to the zoo, walks in the park but now finds these boring and spends a lot of his time at home on his phone, iPad, PS4 or drawing and writing (which I much prefer to see him do) we've actually just had a large clear out in his room because he has so many toys and games he no longer wants and have given these to his younger cousins to play with. Hopefully it's just a phase so I'm not really sure what to suggest. Maybe your daughter having older siblings who she sees doing these things has made her want to be more grown up?
I don't know about you but for me it's more of an issue for me than it is him because he is no longer a 'little boy' (always my little boy thou )

Shad0w87 · 30/07/2017 18:10

Much prefer to see him drawing and writing whilst home than phone/iPad/PS4 is what I mean

Karid1496 · 31/07/2017 17:05

Sounds alot like my dd11. Think it's just an age thing. She is happy enough sitting I her room on her phone playing her favourite apps. If we are doing family things we warn her in advance that they are happening and that they are not up for discussion. She had a grumpy moan to start with but don't give in. Ends up having a great time once she gets over it. The joys of pre-teens, haha. Xxx

toastandmarmiterocks · 01/08/2017 14:55

You've basically described my DD. Good to hear we are not alone. I feel like I'm getting it all wrong at the moment. Have come to mumsnet for support and stories!

Saladd0dger · 01/08/2017 14:57

12 year old DD is exactly like this to

Original poster

mumma24 · 01/08/2017 19:37

thanks everyone, I don't feel as worried about her behaviour

OP posts:

GreenTulips · 01/08/2017 19:40

Yep exactly the same - seems happy enough

sydenhamhiller · 02/08/2017 09:09

We've had this with DS (13) and DD1 (11) - at first, with DS we would let him opt out, but we just felt we never saw him- he was on screens or lurking in his room.

So now, a bit like the poster above, we just give warning that something (day out/ walk in woods) is happening. They moan, I smile and ignore through gritted teeth, and once we are engaged in said activity they are fine. It's weird pre-teen inertia. (I remember it dimly myself.) I don't insist on them coming to shops etc, but there is no opting out of 'family days out' at this point- this will change as they get older no doubt 😉. Thank goodness for my sunshiney DD2!

Alwaysthesamestory · 02/08/2017 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AdelicaArundel · 02/08/2017 09:17

We're going through this also....DD1 who is an angel, now prefers to stay in her room, or drape herself in the family room while bingeing on Netflix.
Having already been through this with DS, she knows that sitting in while the rest of us head to the beach or elsewhere is just not going to happen.

Thankfully DD2 still thinks that spending time with me is wonderful and is happy to go anywhere even to the shops for eggs to make pancakes

swillie · 03/08/2017 21:00

My dd1 is 12 and exactly the same. You are not alone.

NeverSurrender · 05/08/2017 20:26

11yo dd is the same! Although she'll somewhat happily come on a day out to the zoo or somewhere she likes, but can get a bit sullen when out for too long! I don't make her come to the shops, or run errands but give advance notice she must come to visit family. She'll moan but come!

user1466108618 · 11/08/2017 14:25

Hi my 14 year old daughter is the same she barely goes out as she prefers to stay in with a book comp games drawing or on her phone. I do worry shes not getting out enough but at least i know where she is and shes doing things she enjoys.

MsGameandWatching · 11/08/2017 14:28

My kids 11 and 14 still like going out and doing stuff with me to be honest BUT I am not at all hot on limiting screen time so it's not like they want to be in to maximise time on that. By the time I suggest something they're pretty ready to get out the door.

ThinkIlikeit · 11/08/2017 14:29

My dc aged 10 is exactly the same. I am quite upset about it as I can think of lovely places to go for the day and they have no interest. They are currently upstairs on YouTube and I am downstairs on mumsnet but would rather be out doing stuff!

WhyOhWine · 11/08/2017 14:39

My DD 13 would rather be with her friends than with us. To be fair to her, though, when that is not an option she is still generally ok with coming on outings. We tend to not really offer her the choice not to come (although there is sometimes negotiation in where to go) and we put up with a bit of whinging at the start knowing she will actually enjoy it, which she invarialy does.

Although she is on social media or watching TV a reasonable amount when she is in, she is happy enough to do this in the living room or kitchen so she is interacting a bit .

Flip