14 years old boys

[Mumoftwoandover]

Hi
I need some advise regarding my son's outings hours.

My son is 14 years old and he started going out a lot with his friends, due to I have cut his internet, which I think is great !

We just moved to a different town from his school and where him and his friends use to meet up. It's only 15 mins by bus.

He is all grown up and responsible (as far as I know) and been enjoying stay sometimes the whole day there going to the beach, mcdonalds and walking around town with them.

Last saturday he asked to sleep over at one of his friends, and knowing about some stories that his friends use to walk around town in the middle of the night, I asked the hosting mum to please make sure they don't do it as I believe that it's not a good idea since they are only 14 years old, which she said "don't worry".

Later when he came back home , he told me that they did went out at 2am and went to mcds walking alone in the night. And to be honest I got a bit p..off because I thought that the mum understood that I didn't want them out at night. But he also said that she was asleep and she didn't see them going out, so I can't blame her.

Now my son asked again to go out thursday and sleep over in another friend's house straight after the last day of school and I just think that things are going a bit out of control, and he believes that he must be allowed to go, and keep questioning why.
I've been clear that not again, and he won't be allowed to sleep over someone's different house again because I think that it will become a vicious circle that he will always demand to go and sleep over whenever he wants from mow on.

I am not a super protective mum, I am even too liberal but I wonder what other parents of 14 years are like ?
What's the limit for you ?
Are is allowed, and what's not ?

Any advise welcome please :)

Thank you

At your son's age, I think you need to make it perfectly clear, both to him and to yourself that he is responsible for his behaviour; it's not the job of some other adult to keep an eye on him or lock him in so he doesn't sneak out when she's asleep: it is his job to remember that he is not allowed.

If he knew this was a rule, then you punish him. If he moans, then remind him that he is growing up and needs to start behaving like an adult- and that means being trustworthy.

If you make a rule about not sleeping over at somebody's house, have some kind of timeline in your head: "not until you have shown I can trust you" or "not this side of the summer" or "not until you are 15". Don't leave it vague because he knows as well as you that he is growing up and you won't be able to stop him for very long. So be practicable and let him see you being practicable.

And preferably do it as an adult conversation: explain that you understand the attraction of a lonely night walk but that it is poor manners to sneak out of a house where you are a guest and that there is a safety aspect in not knowing where he is in case of emergencies.

Dear corythatwas,

Thank you for the advise. I already spoke to him and let it clear what I expect from him.

Last night he went out and I reluctantly let him sleep over again to see how would it be.

I wrote him the rules and expected him to follow them, which as far as I know worked fine.

Funny enough I am crying a river now because he is so rude and upsets me with his behaviour and attitude that I am fed up. I am struggling to accept his attitude towards me, lack of consideration. I am considering sending him to live with someone else... I know it's the last option but I am so exhausted and sad that I think I reached my limits witt him :(

So sad atm :(