Daughter with head in the sand

[MrKlaw]

Hi

Came home today to find my wife distraught and the contents of my daughter’s bag strewn on the floor in the hall. It was an absolute pigsty. Old lunch containers with left over food, random sweet wrappers she’s clearly bought from the local shop on the way to school, and mouldy food in the bottom of the bag. Even had her keys in there, which she had said she’d lost - but clearly she just didn’t want to look for them amongst the mess.

When we talked to her about it she said she didn’t know why she’d let it get so bad, but digging a little more she said she forgot about some of the things, and then they got too yucky to clean up so she just left them there. Not sure what she was expecting to happen, but putting her head in the sand just let it get worse and worse.

Can anyone help with advice or similar experiences? We’re going to need to put more structure in place - I’ve already put a lock app on her phone so she can’t use it after coming home until she has cleared her bag, got changed etc. But how do we get her to change her behaviour? I’m sure it won’t be quick but I will confess to being quite an ‘ostrich’ when I was younger too, so I’m dreading her having picked it up from me.

My teenage ds sometimes can't be bothered/doesn't want to (his words,) wipe his butt properly after a poo. Skid central.

Now that's a problem. Give me a grotty bag any day!

She's only 12 for crying out loud-some 12 year olds are still really young! She clearly needs more supervision on arriving home with regard to back checking etc
I'm amazed the food has become so 'gloopy' without it giving off such a pong that nobody has checked the bag previously?!

Also, kids are by nature rancid little wotsits-we've all been there and done revolting things! Truly, there are worse things to get distraught about and this really isn't one of them

leave her to it till she has to do it. Even if it means replacing mouldy bags out of her own money.

This is what my bag was like on school. Decomposed sandwiches and raisins that entered the bag as grapes.

I'm clean and tidy now.

Urgh my dd(13) can be like this. I spent the whole 2 week Easter holidays nagging at her to put her lunchbox in the dishwasher. And it finally did go in on the last day. Revolting. I always laugh how she has an empty bin in her room with sweet wrappers on the floor right next to it because it is just too hard to move them that 1cm to get in the bin.
It is normal teen/pre-teen behaviour. If it bothers you or your wife that much just make sure you clean it out together every day after school.

Not sure why your wife was distraught. It sounds like the contents of my kids school bags (one teen, one 11 year old) and my car to be honest. Just tell her to check her bag every couple of days and chuck away anything that shouldn't be in there. It is seriously nothing to worry about.

Thanks all. We do need to be more on top of things and drill some organisation into her head. First child has been relatively smooth sailing so far so maybe that made us complacent

Organisation - check / empty bag daily
A4 plastic wallet for all letters / bits of homework
perhaps she needs more scaffolding than your eldest.

My 2 DDs have needed different levels of support in early secondary. there is no 'should be able to do' at that age really, they mature differently.

This places needs a thanks button on posts. Once again thank you for those offering support and constructive suggestions.

Can't believe what low standards some people have, sorry. Adults leaving rotting food in their car??

I don't think it's acceptable to leave old food in bags even for teens. Messy rooms, messy bags yes fair enough but not mouldy food! Help her go through her bag if that helps...

This isn't that unusual ime. Well, my dd, age 17, is similar. I once came across goodness knows what (it started out as a lunch) in a lunchbox in her room. It must have been there months, if not over a year. Her room is a complete tip: clothes literally all over the floor, endless dishes and cups/glasses which every so often I make her take down to the kitchen. I havent seen the surface of her desk for months. Anything she ever borrows, stays on the floor of her room until its owner retrieves it.

It isn't a great state of affairs but I am fairly sanguine about it. My thoughts are that she will be leaving home soon and will then either have to make the effort to tidy up or live in a pit. Either way, it won't be me.

Sorry, no help, just wanted you to know you are not alone.

Drama llamas