Is there an age by which it is neglectful for children not to have talked about puberty etc

[margaritasbythesea]

My dd is 9 and has breast buds. We are quite relaxed and open about bodily issues in our house. She mentioned to me that her breasts were growing and we had a quick word about the fact she was growing up. She was really excited.

We have also spoken a couple of times about why I have periods. She accepts the information in a matter of fact way.

I have been expecting her to get curious about babies and puberty, but she is not at all. She knows how babies come out and breastfeeding (as she saw DS doing it). She simply assumes that when she wants a baby she will decide to have one and grow one.

I am quite happy to talk about these things. Now time seems to be getting on and although I don´t want to force the issue, there is a chance her periods will start in the not too distant future and although I know this is not inevitable I don´t want her to be scared if it does happen.

We´re not in the UK. I don´t think there is much sex education in school here, although they have done very basic classes in reproduction (difference between mamals and oviporous animals etc)

Do you think I should gently force the issue, or keep waiting for her to ask.

Bump

She knows she can talk about it with you . Buy her one of the Usborne books or American Girl series( don't let name put you off). Age appropriate sensible books to prompt a conversation.

I have a DD 8.5. Despite me being a tiny child who didn't have my first period till 15, DD is robust and tall (touching 5ft) and I can already see her shape changing. She too has zero interest or questions about sex or babies or bodies or anything. My 6 year old DS asks more questions than her.

I got her the American girl (younger girl) version and have it ready - I wanted to read it myself first and now have - and wanted to wait until a suitable conversation trigger. As it happens there is a section in the book about washing more when puberty hits, to stop being smelly. In this hot weather it's been a good talking point and I've said I've got her a book to 'go through some bits about growing up' and that I'll get it out for her tomorrow. It talks about the stages of breast growth, periods, mentrual products, body changes, and some more superficial stuff like haircuts and so on. It's very good. I believe there is second book for older girls which talks more about reproduction. I'll be buying that too. She's a reader and the books aren't intended to replace a conversation but to give her something to digest after the discussions.

Thanks for the recommendations. I´ll have a look at the books and get something ready. She has to get curious at some point!

She already uses deodorant (we live in a hot country). I did think that might be a trigger too but it wasn´t.

I guess she doesn´t know what that she doesn´t know something. I tell her it´s ok, just part of growing up, and what to do and she just believes me. It´s fine, but I don´t want to leave her unprepared.

She won't be unprepared- she has you. Don't worry, my dd isn't very interested for all the info I offer. Not sure if Www.sanitaryowl.com( or .co.uk) do international deliveries but my dd loved the starter box with info , products and a bracelet (she loves a bracelet). Plenty of online info on there too.

Many thanks for the encouragement. That link looks useful.

I think it is wuite late at 9.
There are some great books about puberty Usborne do a good one, with a girls one and a boys one.

But she also needs somethign about sex ed, so the mechanics of how a baby is made. these books are aimed at children. Claire rayner does a good book caled The Body Book, it explains how everything works, from digestion to reproduction, so good as it puts i in context.

But just to reassure you, dd1 started with breast buds, BO, and getting some pubic hair aged 8, she is now 12 and still hasn't started her periods, and isn't much further on really pysically. (although she has grown a lot taller this year, so maybe all her energy is going into that)

dd2 is 9 and over the last 6 months she has definitely changed body shape and is getting breast buds.

I felt that nine was about right as girls can start periods from nine ish (unusual but perfectly possible) and I definitely didn't want her to start and not know what it was. Also, it is helpful for them to have a basic idea of puberty changes before having those lessons at school. I used to be responsible for sex Ed in year six and it was clear some children were receiving the information for the first time and feeling embarrassed. It's much more difficult to process when at school than at home.