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Preteens

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I love dd but I'm not sure if I like her right now.

3 replies

user1487175389 · 20/06/2017 10:51

She's 11. She's always been a mixture of charming and extremely difficult. Tested borderline for ASD a few years ago, but the older she gets the more I wonder whether that would have even been been a correct diagnosis.

She screams, shouts and has tantrums most days when she doesn't get things exactly her way. It's like parenting a giant toddler. She makes constant accusations that I don't love her, that I only care about her siblings, and the more I try to acknowledge her feelings and address her misperceptions, the more self righteous and downright loud and hysterical she becomes. She belittles everything her little sister does - she seems to be convinced that any positive for dd2 (7) detracts from her in some way.

She also pushes me away - to the point where I think OK then, there's no point fighting this.

There is another side to her, but it's hard to remember when she does things like trying to forge my signature on school forms, as I've just discovered she did with something I said i'd fill in. I have asked her a couple of times whether she'd prefer to live with her dad, if she resents my rules and ways of doing things so much. It's not what I want, but then neither is this.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 20/06/2017 10:57

How does she behave when she's with her dad? What does she say when you suggest that she might like to live with him?

user1487175389 · 20/06/2017 11:02

He was abusive towards me when we were together and is very hard to communicate with now. He doesn't say much about her behaviour but she grudgingly accepts she'd rather live with me.

OP posts:
eastmidsmum · 24/06/2017 00:00

Have you considered that he may be abusive to her - emotionally or in other ways - when she's there? Eg is he giving her the idea that you don't love her and favour her little sister? How much time does she spend at his? How long ago did you separate? Even if there's nothing he's doing which directly contributes to her behaviour, she's possibly SN and having to cope with separated parents. How does she behave at school, or is it all for you?

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