Do you know the password for your DCs phones?

[Fianceechickie]

When my son got his first phone at 11, the rule was he had no password/I was to know it. He's now 13 and still has no password and for safety reasons I periodically check it to see if I'm happy with how he's using it, nothing dodgy, not being bullied etc as does his dad but the problem is my DSD 11 now has one and brings it to our house. She's always on it but it has a passcode we don't know. I have told DH he must ask her for it which he did but she's fobbed him off. Shouldn't it be the same rules for both kids? Or am I worrying too much and should leave it alone...hopefully her mum is monitoring that side of things... also I have a feeling she's in constant contact with her mum about what's going on at ours which worries me slightly she seems really happy here but what if that's not what's being said? Her mum and my DH have terrible relationship and I doubt we could tackle it with her without causing lots of hassle!

Tbh I don't think it's really your place to monitor your DSD. I get where you're coming from but it's really her parents' decision. I also think that wanting to snoop see conversations with her mum is out of line.

Having said that I do agree with you! I have DS's passwords for laptop, phone, iPod, email... I very very rarely check, but he knows I can and will.

Yes, it was a condition of our funding their tech that we were to know all passwords until the age of 16.

And it is up to your DH to insist. Would he agree to remove the tech when your DSD is with you, unless she complies with the house rule?

I think that you do need to be able to monitor DC using devices that connect to the Internet. Whether you actually do so at any particular time depends on a range of factors. Including the DC's grasp of the need for cyber security. It's something that needs to be taught, under supervision. And at 11 the window for doing this (before they can out-tech yin completely ) is rapidly closing.

Yes, I know all the passwords.

I insist their phones are password protected in case they get into the wrong hands but I know them. I also know their social media passwords.

I know what you mean; it's not that I want to snoop per se but I felt it was important with my DS that when he was at his dads, I wasn't having private conversations with him that I wouldn't want his dad to see. Just think it's important to be open. It's difficult. I wouldn't mind so much if we were on good terms but... Anyway that's not really main concern. It's so important I think to keep them safe online. I don't even know if she has social media or anything. Her mum let her have instagram at 9 but I think that got deleted! Plus there's the double standard. DS hasn't noticed she has passcode and he doesn't...yet!

I don't think it's "double standards", it's "a different style of parenting" and unfortunately I don't think there's much you can do about it.