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Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Preteens

11 year olds 'going out'. What does it mean?!

17 replies

chocolateshoes · 30/09/2016 18:41

DS has just started secondary school and it seems that everyone is 'going out' or thinking about it. But what do they actually do?Do they actually go anywhere? Hold hands? Kiss? I feel really stupid but I've never had an 11 year old before!

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Clayhead · 30/09/2016 18:46

Round here it means you say you are 'going out', you may spend time together in a group but probably never have a conversation...

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abbinob · 30/09/2016 18:51

think they get their friends to ask the others friends if they will 'go out'with them then they mostly ignore eachother/giggle and maybe write 'I heart initials' on their pencil case/ put their initials in their instagram bio with a bunch of love emojis

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RustyBear · 30/09/2016 18:58

I remember a conversation with a mum of a year 6 boy who told me that her son had just been dumped by his girlfriend. He was so upset by this that the ex- girlfriend agreed that he could go on going out with her, but that she would not be going out with him. This was negotiated by the respective best friends of the boy and girl and was apparently satisfactory to both sides. As far as the mum knew, they had never been 'out' together anywhere anyway, so it probably didn't make any difference to either one.

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Mirandawest · 30/09/2016 19:00

DS is 12. He says that "going out" means you don't go out but you might message each other a bit.

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whatsitallabout1 · 30/09/2016 19:01

Absolutely nothing as far as I can see...they rarely speak, I asked if they were still "going out" the other day - dd wasn't sure, and entirely unbothered in any case!

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chocolateshoes · 30/09/2016 19:04

Thanks. It's so funny! Am relieved it's nothing more than that. A girl has asked DS out and I think he's not sure what to say, because he doesn't really know what it entails!

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Clayhead · 30/09/2016 19:08

In my ds's year the girls seem to sort out who's 'going out ' with who and the boys just sort of go along with it Keeps them all happy!!

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HemanOrSheRa · 30/09/2016 19:09

Ha! DS is 11. He did actually 'go out' with a girl. It entailed buying some chocolate brownies from the local shop and then sitting on the local green with her, sharing the brownies. Then coming home after about 30 mins. But other than that it does seem to mean what Miranda says.

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00100001 · 30/09/2016 19:10

Unless things have changed, it means nada. Except for maybe one pair who will do some enthusiastic but crap kissing and gross everyone else out

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chocolateshoes · 30/09/2016 19:28

I feel so much better now!

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yeOldeTrout · 30/09/2016 19:38

You bat eyes at each other in public, try to never exchange more than 3 words out loud, & talk a lot by text. If you ever actually kiss the other person, then you'll break up the next day, cast iron guaranteed.

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Ragwort · 30/09/2016 19:39

That was my DS at 11 - spent ages messaging each other over the Christmas holidays when we were abroad, lots of 'I love you' texts ............. he bought her an expensive present and then she dumped him . No hard feelings and they never actually went 'out' anywhere.

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jayisforjessica · 15/10/2016 11:32

DS is twelve and currently "going out" with his first girlfriend. For us, it means a movie and pizza date in our house, while we're upstairs and keeping an eye on things but still giving them space.

DS has informed me that his "GF" is ready for cheek kissing, but that he's just ready for holding hands, maaaaaybe. Then again, I seem to have been blessed with a child who overthinks a lot of the time!

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BeenThereDoneThatForgotten · 18/10/2016 21:35

I'm not ready for this! My dd has a friend who has come over regularly for years, a boy, and they go upstairs and there is giggling and shit and they make videos etc. Le she's 12 and he's 13, I should stop this, right?

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FunnysInLaJardin · 18/10/2016 21:42

ah I'm glad kids still 'go out' with each other. 35 years ago went all 'went out' with boys but all it entailed was a bit of snogging behind the gym and that person being 'your' boyfriend for a few weeks. Then one of you dumped the other and that was that.

DS1 is 11 very soon and I think its really sweet that he will soon be going out with girls

Mind you come to think of it some of them were rumoured to have had sex, but it was quite a rough arsed school

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sandbagsatdawn · 01/11/2016 21:05

I would agree it's largely innocent. But I would make sure you've talked through sexual stuff a bit just in case, (esp how to say no!) as I knew an 11 year old who gave blow jobs to several boys on the school ski trip so not everyone is as innocent at that age.

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griffinsss · 12/11/2016 22:41

My 12 y/o was 'going out' with a boy she only met once. They texted for about a week before breaking up in a thread of asking her friend to tell his friend that she didn't like him anymore . I don't think it means anything serious.