Unhappy and rude 10 yr old DD

[peppajay]

My DD is 10. At school she is the perfect pupil she is head of house and a librarian and generally so polite and well behaved. Until the second she gets out the school gate then she changes her attitude is shocking she is full of anger and attitude. In one respect she hates being with us as we are horrible mean and everything is so boring......but on the other hand she is constantly under my feet At home as she will not play or sit in her room without an adult. She wakes up full of anger and goes to bed in a bad mood as I won't let her stay up till 10. She loves causing an argument and just adores confrontation with us. She has no hobby or passion and is just plain bored at home she just wants to eat shout and moan. She is so social and she does lots of after school activities but she cannot and will not entertain herself at home. She doesn't really like watching tv or DVD's as she gets too bored. She isn't into colouring craft or reading like he friends. She just seems so unhappy being part of our family. She is still full of bad attitude and downright rudeness when out with us but to everyone else she is perfect.. She just seems to hate being with her own family. She never really smiles anymore unless she is at school or with her friends. Her brother has aspergers and he can be really difficult but he isn't really hard at home -in fact the opposite he so enjoys playing on his own. She is just so hard to live with. I just don't know whatvto do to make her happier........

[Mycraneisfixed]

She really is bored! Ask her what she thinks would make her happier. Weekend activities? Meeting friends?
Put in a front of being happy and cheerful and ignore her sulks and tantrums if she can't tell you what she would LIKE to do, only what she DISLIKES.

[peppajay]

Had a proper conversation with her this morning and all she wants is a bigger family. She wants an auntie 5 cousins and a grandma. She would like to stay at her cousins house and have big family meals at the harvester and be able to stay with her grandma at weekends!! She said she feels stifled being with us all the time. Three of her good friends all have more than 1 sibling and a very close extended family who all go out and spend time at each others houses as if it is their own. Although she has a grandma and an auntie they both live a fair distance away. She has 2 cousins but they live a long way a way and my husband and his sister aren't close so they rarely see each other. The joys of having a small family. A lot of families around us seem to all stay in the same town and not go elsewhere for work or uni whereas both mine and my husband's relatively small extended family are scattered all over the UK due to work and university revlocations. Unfortunately I can't magic a larger family out of no where although we went to church today as she always used to enjoy that as there are plenty of people for her to chat and socialise with and she has been so much better this afternoon.

[Mycraneisfixed]

Are you and your OH introverts? Is she an extrovert? That may be the reason for you and she not understanding each other. Do a bit of research into the introvert/extrovert thing. It may be the answer. I'm a sociable introvert as is eldest daughter. Youngest daughter is a very gregarious extrovert and I never really 'got' her. She puzzled me. She's 40 now and the whole family understands each other's needs since we discovered that our needs for company or solitude are very different. I'm happy in my own company, youngest needs people all the time. Wasn't such a problem in our house when she was a child as she was the youngest of three kids so usually had company.