Accessing an 11 year olds phone?

[tumpymummy]

I know this has probably been discussed loads, but some of the threads I have looked at about this are quite old, so I thought I would check current thinking. DD has just put a passcode on her phone. Says she doesn't want me snooping. Should I be?! At 11 (and at secondary school) should I allow her some privacy? I have a passcode on my phone (but my kids know it!) and in case she looses it I think she should but that I should know it. In some ways I would feel guilty reading messages she has sent, but I want to make sure she is staying safe and nothing inappropriate is being said. She says I should trust her, that they've learnt about internet safety at school. I've said that if she doesn't tell me her passcode I will remove her phone. Am I being too harsh and too protective and out of date (as she says!) ?

My Ds has a passcode on his phone that I put on I also have all passwords for media sites it's not snooping its parenting they are children until they are 18 and your responsibility to keep them safe. I check his phone one a fortnight of when I remember he's 12 and accepts it as if I can't get into his phone then he doesn't have a phone

I would let her have her phone, I did when I was her age. She just wants her own stuff. But just make sure that she knows that if anything weird happens to do with her phone, eg/ randos messaging her or stuff like that. My 12 year old does, we have a really close relationship though and she tells me everything, it just depends on the child

As a a parent our job is to protect our kids. If that means checking their phones etc to ensure they are safe then that's acceptable.

My dd is 12.5. She has a fingerprint passcode on her phone so I can't look in it. She is a very mature and sensible girl. I've told her to be careful etc. But I would never demand to go through her phone. I think she's entitled to privacy.

I pay for my dd's phone too - that doesn't mean she shouldn't be treated with respect. I know where my daughter is the majority of the time. Technology is everywhere. Making a fuss about needing to snoop causes more problems than it solves IMO.

I don't snoop. I ask ds1(12) very occasionally if:

1. is everything ok on social media, any problems, any bullying, anythung nasty, or even anything you think I should know about. 2)show me find if your snapchats, etc.

Never been a problem.

Sorry. I ask him, then with him sat next to me, I have a quick browse through all his snapchat etc chatting threads.
This happens occasionally.

No password, no phone in this house. And that's the same in the majority of parents of teens I know.
As with many things. The few that don't... Are the only ones who should.

She is 11 and very much a child.
You SHOULD be monitoring her phone and internet use. This is essential and recommended by every e safety training and advise sites out there. To not do so can be far more dangerous.

However I wouldn't call it snooping. Don't do it secretly without her knowledge.

Be honest about it - you can and will monitor her use for the next few years. You will expect certain levels of online/mobile behaviour and there are consequences if these are broken.

You need all passwords for phone, tablet and any social media. If she won't do this then she has no phone.

It's often easy to see if things have been deleted. Many kids forget there's the whole deleted/sent folders that need doing too.
Also with Apple - you can set child type accounts and have data come to your own device as well.

Children are by their very nature immature, learning and also very trusting. It's easy for them to become involved in things they don't really understand or not sure how to deal with. This has been shown time and time again. And you as a parent won't always know in advance - often the children don't even know there's an issue until it's a long way down the road and sometimes too late. So there aren't always signs to see.

And along side security controls and monitoring also make sure they are very aware of e safety advice. The CEOP website is a useful resource.

I have a very open relationship with Dd. And a very trusting one. But when younger we did regularly monitor use. She's 14y now and I don't have to quite so much though I still have passwords and we talk about online safety and online use regularly. I'm aware that at 14 she is still at a very vulnerable age for this kind of issue so I will continue to parent appropriately regarding mobile use.

I find it far more worrying how many parents don't have a clue about what their children are using their phones for and what they are doing online. Scary.

And it's nothing like a diary. Diaries don't talk back to us and form relationships with you; diaries don't have the capabilities to groom a child.