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Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.


I've hurt DS's feelings

3 replies

madmotherof2 · 13/01/2016 17:32

I'm already feeling crap but I'm prepared for a back lash on this one.

DS is 12. He's always been a tall, broad build. He's sporty ( plays football at least 3 times a week and rugby once) and has a good appetite. I've been concerned that since he started secondary school he's lost his 2 miles a day school walk ( as he gets a bus - no choice as school 15 miles away) so I've been worried that his exercise has dropped.

I always provide veg at tea time, fruit in lunch box etc, always fruit available. He has a good, varied diet.

He was weighed at a Hosp app last week and when I looked on a BMI calculator he is over weight ( I was looking as I was concerned he looked like he'd gained weight)

Now here comes the crap part. I upset him at bedtime one day last week. I walked in on him getting ready for bed and made a comment about him needing to be careful of what he eats. Sad shit I know.

At the time he seemed ok ( but he was just going to bed) but he's been subdued and snappy since. He went to his Dad's for the weekend and came home with a tummy ache. We've had an argument this evening and he's blurted out that I really upset him and that he'd barely eaten all weekend ( hence the tummy ache) and that he's become very self concious getting ready for PE ( hiding in corners to get dressed Sad)

I had noticed he's not eaten so much the last couple of days, but I know they've been covering healthy eating at school so I assumed it was to do with that.

I don't know what to do now, ever since he told me he's been sobbing. It's obviously really bothering him. I feel like I've destroyed his confidence.

Any tips, I've already made enough mistakes, don't want to get the next bit wrong!

OP posts:
madmotherof2 · 13/01/2016 20:09


OP posts:
cdtaylornats · 18/01/2016 11:37

Perhaps he is gaining weight in preparation for a growth spurt.

Baressentials · 18/01/2016 11:53

Oh Op, I feel for you and your ds. no I don't think you should have made that comment but who the hell always thinks before they speak? You clearly come from a good place.
Afraid i have no advice as to what you say now. But please don't beat yourself up. Maybe look up info on having a strong healthy body to share with him? Rather than it be focussed on weight?

My 10year old has the physique of a 15 year old (big boobs, hips) people never say how tall she is, instead they use the word "big" when they mean tall. She has the tiniest thighs and waist - certainly not big! Yet calls herself fat. I don't know how best to get through to her either.

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