A bully at 12

[lounear35]

Can anyone help or advise me with my DD, aged 12, I spoke to a mum tonight who rang me and informed me that my daughter since sept has been bullying her daughter... I am devasted. Her daughter was moved to my DD class in sept after a year of bullying in another class she now gets counselling for it she was self harming etc so school moved her classes, two weeks in my daughter starts on her. My DD admits it, she can't lie at all, she has slapped her and given dirty looks but says it wasnt intentional that the slap was part of a game a group where playing. I am gutted I feel like a failure as a parent my daughter doesn't seem in the slightest bit concerned, I've taken her phone iPad off her. Can anyone help me with what to do, was going to make her apologise to the girl. The girls mum isn't taking it to the police (police involved in last years incidents ) as she knows me as came to me first, the school know also as the girl told teacher on Friday afternoon.

Come down on her like a ton of bricks.
Make her see how her behaviour has made that poor girl feel.
Tell her you'll be talking with school about it.

I hate bullies I hate how nasty they are how they destroy lives, I want to slap her, I want to shout and scream at her, I want her to know how much she has hurt someone, has let us down, has let herself down..... I'm so angry

First off let me say the fact you have taken on board what the mother has said says a lot about you in a positive way(when my dd was bullied in school I approached the Dms involved who all suggested that their dads were incapable of bullying)

The second thing is it might be your dd is far more upset than she is letting on and might be relived that it has come out into the open. You really need to find out why she is behaving in such a way as I doubt she is acting alone. If the school is doing its job properly I am sure they will be in touch with you.

Apologising is a good start but I would also try and make your dd understand the profound effects her actions have on individuals.

It is probably best to call the school after the holidays and agree the best way to apologise. The school may help facilitate this and allow the other girl to explain the impact of your daughters actions. Hopefully this will help prevent a reoccurrence of the problem.

Ta folks turns out other girl was lying and now I feel like worst mother ever for ranting and shouting. Other girl is apparently renowned for lying (I don't really no her) mum called tonight and apologised. I'm going to.school tomorrow to talk to teacher about it

How awful OP. My brother was accused of bullying a boy at school. The school came down on him like a tonne of bricks. My brother and parents went through weeks of hell with the victims parents calling for my brother to be expelled. All justified except it turned out the boy was lying and he eventually confessed to making the whole thing up because he was jealous.

My brother almost had a nervous breakdown trying to convince everyone he was innocent. I have be never seen my parents so stressed. The boy was renound for lying but the school heard bullying and went into overdrive. The reality was my brother was the victim. Being falsely accused of bullying is truly horrible and I hope you can get this resolved OP.