Ok here goes.
Got residence of 11 & 7 yr old back in Feb, been with my partner for 2 yrs and all was well. But then the last few months 11 yr old has decided he hates partner.
He often calls him names and swears, which results in loss of phone/iPad/grounded etc. The last few weeks he's been running away to his dad's or dads been coming to collect him.
We agreed he could have an extra couple of nights a week over at dads although I was upset at this because in a way it was what he wanted all along and he wasn't seein the consequences of his behaviour, he was just running from the punishment. First stay over at dads and he failed to attend school! Dad starts work early and leaves him to get himself up and off. Second stay over and he rang me at 7am screaming down the phone if I didn't effin pick him up he wasn't going, course I want him in school so I jumped in the car and drove 10 miles to collect him!
I explained to him that wasn't going to work and it was best he stayed with me to ensure he went to school.
2 days late he kicked off again, spat in my face when I asked him to go calm down and told me to eff off. Course dad comes running for him again! Then it's all my fault, I need to change the way I parent and ex refuses to have a word with him because it's happened in my house so he isn't involving himself! (Although he just did involve himself by coming runnin for him!)
So now 11 yr old is refusing to come home, he said he hates my partner and I can't make him like him.
Nothing has happened other than his dad doesn't like him either, he relarely gets involved in punishing him other than telling him when he's been out of order. Leaving has crossed my mind but my daughter thinks the world of him!
Why should i be on my own when my partner is with someone just cause they don't like him? Or am I being selfish?
If I did leave to be on my own whose to say 11 yr old isn't just gonna be the same? At 11 yrs old he knows that spitting in his own mothers face is wrong.
Any advice?